Agent Rancette Apprehends Charlie Kaufman By Accident
Topic: Agent Rancette
inspired by Anachronist

INT. FANCY RESTAURANT

Charlie Kaufman and his wife, Denise, are sitting down to a nice dinner.

CHARLIE: So I'm making progress with my new script.

DENISE: That's great. Is it almost finished?

Agent Rancette and her backup burst through the door of the restaurant with her gun pointed squarely at Charlie Kaufman.

AGENT RANCETTE: Hold it right there! We've got the building surrounded. Don't anyone make a move.

CHARLIE: Agent Rancette! I admit it! Just don't SHOOT ME! Just don't harm my wife! I admit it! I am Rance!

AGENT RANCETTE: Charlie, are you serious? Ha ha! We were actually busting Tony Rotolo, the big druglord in town. Sam, you take down Tony and his men. I'm going to deal with Charlie here, AKA Rance.

DENISE: You bitch! Hands off my husband. He didn't do anything.

AGENT RANCETTE: Lady, this man fooled a whole Internet community into thinking he was some A-list actor.

CHARLIE: Well, I did do some acting in college.

DENISE: Bitch, stop interfering with our dinner! You busted Tony-what's-his-face. And I'm sure the agency is going to give you a big raise for it. Now leave us alone.

CHARLIE: Yeah, besides anyway, I'm not really Rance.

AGENT RANCETTE: Oh no, you're Rance. I saw the look in your eye. You thought I had really caught you. You're no actor. There's no way some second-rate amateur like you could have pulled that off. And if you were acting, you deserve an Academy Award for fooling me!

CHARLIE: You're right I deserve an Academy Award. But not for acting. You know I'm the greatest screenwriter in town.

AGENT RANCETTE: That may be so. But I just want to know one thing...

The other agents lose grip of Tony Rotolo, as a tommy gun appears from out of nowhere.

Denise pushes Agent Rancette in the line of fire. No body has been shot full of holes more times since Bonnie or Clyde.

DENISE: Now only we know the truth.

CHARLIE: MUHAHAHAAAA!