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Agent Rancette
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Saturday, 30 October 2004
Blogging Can Be Such Fun if you have the Time...
I'd like to thank KJ4ever for introducing me to Blog Explosion.

It's a nice way to get more traffic directed to your site.

On a related note, I see a couple people dropping off. A fond farewell to Colonel Mustard. I hope it really isn't farewell, but it seems like he is gone for the moment.

I kind of understand Rance and how he lost the thrill of blogging. For the moment, the thrill is kind of gone for me too. However, I can't really see why when I have such good friends around the 'net. I am not planning to shut down. I have an installment of Rance & Rancette on the way. I just don't know how to end it.

I'll keep in touch and maybe you'll hear from me in the next week...

Yours Truly, rancette at 5:28 PM PDT
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Wednesday, 27 October 2004
Emily Dickinson's A Bird Came Down the Walk
A bird came down the walk:
He did not know I saw;
He bit an angle-worm in halves
And ate the fellow, raw.

And then he drank a dew
From a convenient grass,
And then hopped sidewise to the wall
To let a beetle pass.

He glanced with rapid eyes
That hurried all abroad,--
They looked like frightened beads, I thought;
He stirred his velvet head

Like one in danger; cautious,
I offered him a crumb,
And he unrolled his feathers
And rowed him softer home

Than oars divide the ocean,
Too silver for a seam,
Or butterflies, off banks of noon,
Leap, splashless, as they swim.

Yours Truly, rancette at 12:01 AM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 26 October 2004 3:24 PM PDT
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Friday, 22 October 2004
What the Bleep do We Know (REPRINTED) originally on
I don't see what the purpose of having two blogs is if I am just going to reprint the same stuff. But I wanted to make sure people here got a chance to view these pictures. Also What the Bleep do we Know was a great film. The promo said "This could change your life." I think it may have. I think I needed that push to get me to do some things I had only been thinking about.

Ranceline recommended it to me months ago. I finally got around to seeing it when I was on vacation in Memphis. The film did not disappoint. I am the nerdiest person in the world!! I took notes during the film. So I will post some of them in between photos of the trip. Enjoy!

Problems get attributed to a person's psychology when they should be instructed to make better choices.

You fall in love by anticipating emotions.

People become addicted to different things, because no one has taught them better.

When we focus on the past, we don't operate as an integrated whole.

When it comes to life, we only see the tip of the iceberg. Things we take for granted as truths aren't necessarily true if history is any example.

People go on about their lives as though nothing has happened, when miracles happen everyday.

Write your intentions down. Believe you can do it. Exercise your mind. Your thoughts can affect your reality.

Yours Truly, rancette at 7:59 AM PDT
Updated: Monday, 1 November 2004 9:24 AM PST
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Thursday, 21 October 2004
Agent Rancette Apprehends Charlie Kaufman By Accident
Topic: Agent Rancette
inspired by Anachronist


Charlie Kaufman and his wife, Denise, are sitting down to a nice dinner.

CHARLIE: So I'm making progress with my new script.

DENISE: That's great. Is it almost finished?

Agent Rancette and her backup burst through the door of the restaurant with her gun pointed squarely at Charlie Kaufman.

AGENT RANCETTE: Hold it right there! We've got the building surrounded. Don't anyone make a move.

CHARLIE: Agent Rancette! I admit it! Just don't SHOOT ME! Just don't harm my wife! I admit it! I am Rance!

AGENT RANCETTE: Charlie, are you serious? Ha ha! We were actually busting Tony Rotolo, the big druglord in town. Sam, you take down Tony and his men. I'm going to deal with Charlie here, AKA Rance.

DENISE: You bitch! Hands off my husband. He didn't do anything.

AGENT RANCETTE: Lady, this man fooled a whole Internet community into thinking he was some A-list actor.

CHARLIE: Well, I did do some acting in college.

DENISE: Bitch, stop interfering with our dinner! You busted Tony-what's-his-face. And I'm sure the agency is going to give you a big raise for it. Now leave us alone.

CHARLIE: Yeah, besides anyway, I'm not really Rance.

AGENT RANCETTE: Oh no, you're Rance. I saw the look in your eye. You thought I had really caught you. You're no actor. There's no way some second-rate amateur like you could have pulled that off. And if you were acting, you deserve an Academy Award for fooling me!

CHARLIE: You're right I deserve an Academy Award. But not for acting. You know I'm the greatest screenwriter in town.

AGENT RANCETTE: That may be so. But I just want to know one thing...

The other agents lose grip of Tony Rotolo, as a tommy gun appears from out of nowhere.

Denise pushes Agent Rancette in the line of fire. No body has been shot full of holes more times since Bonnie or Clyde.

DENISE: Now only we know the truth.


Yours Truly, rancette at 6:15 AM PDT
Updated: Thursday, 21 October 2004 6:18 AM PDT
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Wednesday, 20 October 2004
Guest Bloggist: PRINCESSR9
Notes from Rancette:

-Thank you very much to Ranceline who recommended "What the Bleep do We Know?". I thought it was a great film. BTW, in Memphis the matinee was at the amazingly low price of $5.50. I got such a bargain and was happy for the rest of the day that I even bought Junior Mints (I never buy candy from a theater).

-Thank you very much to our guest bloggist, Princessr9, our official unofficial member of my Administrative Staff. Which means she can do anything she wants, anytime she wants (heck, she's the princess!!)! BTW, I love tater tots and totally endorse this entry. It is wonderful!

Tater Tots and Other Things
by Princessr9

Whatever happened to people lovin' tater tots? Lately there has been a lot of talk about curly fries and waffle fries and just plain ol' french fries on other blogs I've been reading and I'm wondering, what happened to the poor neglected tater tot? I love tater tots! Especially the onion tater tots. Yeah! That's good eatin' folks. Find some if you can and enjoy the heck out of them.

Why do people drive like such maniacs? I got cut off by some guy the other day and he looked at me like I was the one with the problem! Are we in such a hurry and think that we're so much more important than other people that we're willing to drive like our asses are on fire and potentially get in an accident? It could just be me, after being hit by somebody running a red light, you tend to drive a little more cautiously I can tell you that! It never ceases to amaze me what people are willing to do to make sure that they get the bigger piece, the closer parking space, or be the first in line.

As it gets closer to Christmas time the toy commercials are really getting on my nerves. Do the toy companies know what they're putting parents through? I'm willing to bet that they don't have kids. Otherwise they wouldn't make these commercials that induce ear shattering whining from small individuals that are very opinionated about the things that they wish to have. Wow, that was a really nice way of saying whiny little brats that think they need to have every blasted toy on the freakin' market! That being said, yes I have kids, and yes they are driving me insane. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids, and I would love them even more if they didn't insist on looking in my wallet before we enter a store to check that I do in fact have money with which to purchase the most necessary of objects, the Barbie princess doll and the large scale airplane replica that will be in pieces within just a few hours of purchase.

Why are movies so exspensive now? Didn't they used to be like $5 or something? I think the evening movie ticket now costs something like $9 or more. That's just pure insanity! Don't they know that movie lovers like myself can't afford the ticket and the popcorn? I tell ya', I'm just sick about it. You shouldn't need financing to see a movie and have a snack.

Whew! I feel better now. Thanks Rancette.


Yours Truly, rancette at 3:02 PM PDT
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Sunday, 17 October 2004
Live Like You Were Dying - WHAT A LOAD OF CROCK!
Back around January, before I knew any of you sweet people, I thought I was going to die. Something was wrong with me and I visited a doctor and of course there was that waiting period between not knowing and getting results. And doctors referring me to other doctors, while I'm thinking, hey the sooner this is taken care of the less likely I'll die.

As it turns out, it was nothing. But those two weeks, I seriously thought that I could die and began making plans of what I wanted to accomplish, before I died.

It was a list a lot like Sara Polley made in My Life Without Me. I saw that movie several months later in which a young woman finds out she's going to die of cancer.

I am not a hypocondriac or paranoid about dying. Since it turned out to be nothing, I've had no close to death experiences. But I'll tell you one thing. I made a list of things to do before I died and I did them.

The whole "live like you were dying" concept was awesome at first. Because you never know when you're going to go, so why postpone things...and then they may never happen.

But on the other hand, what now? I was reading KJ's site and she was saying something similar. Now, that I've done all that I wanted to do, what now? Where's the satisfaction? I liked my old dreams. What, now I have to have new dreams? What, should my old dreams be my new dreams over and over again? Reliving the same old thing for the rest of my life?

In Man on the Moon, which is a movie I really liked, by the way, Andy Kaufman, played by Jim Carrey finds out he is going to die. And his attitude is to spread positivity, so people will remember him in a good light.

When I thought I could die, I felt intense bitterness and anger. I thought of everything bad anyone had ever done to me. And I thought that if I didn't have some kind of moral obligation to society, that there'd be some people I'd like to take out if I really was going to die.

And I wondered, why all this bitterness? Why anger? Why wonder has my life been such a waste? Why not savor the remaining moments and spread goodness, joy, and positivity like Andy Kaufman did in Man on the Moon?

Well, I don't know. I'm still trying to figure that one out. Maybe since it wasn't my time to go after all. Maybe I have a lot of things to sort out.

But my point is, living like you were dying is no way to live. Once I had accomplished certain goals, I wondered what I had to look forward to now. And at this point of my life I had outgrown certain dreams that I had since I was about 14 years old. So it left me thinking, "what do I have left to look forward to?"

On one hand, I know the "live like you were dying concept" means take time to let others know you love them and everything. That's all good and well. But if you live like you were dying, there's also more limited consequences. You might live a little too recklessly.

I was reading that John Cusack flew into the eye of a storm to do research on a movie about storm-chasers. While it was exciting for him, how stupid was that? While John Cusack isn't my favorite actor, isn't that kind of thrill-seeking a little dangerous?

Anyway, I'm at the now-what phase. What is life cracked up to be? Yeah, I want a lot out of it. I don't want to be the person who just sits there and lets life pass them by, but I don't want to be the John Cusack storm-chaser either. Isn't there a balance? What do I have to look forward to next???

Yours Truly, rancette at 12:01 AM PDT
Updated: Thursday, 14 October 2004 10:40 PM PDT
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Saturday, 16 October 2004
Saddest parts in movies (SPOILERS AHEAD)
I hate to ruin any movies for you, but I thought of posting what moved me in the following movies:

I HEART HUCKABEE'S - Jason Schwartzman's character has a mysterious cat story throughout the beginning of the movie. It seems like it may be a cheesy story.

But as it turns out, his cat died when he was nine years old. His mother didn't deal with him well when it happened and made him ashamed for getting upset over his cat. This really made me sad, because his mother wasn't there for him when he needed her most. One interesting thing about the casting is that the woman who plays his mother is actually his mother in real life.

12 ANGRY MEN - At the end of the movie, Lee J. Cobb, the hardened juror is the final one who's holding out. He wants to convict. I think Henry Fonda asks him to think of the person on trial as his son and if he'd convict him. Lee J. Cobb gets mad and rips out a picture of his son from his wallet and tears in to shreds, saying he doesn't care about his son. But he starts crying, because obviously, he does care. And he's so hardened, but he's estranged from his son and what Henry Fonda said struck a chord. And he is not going to convict the person on trial now.

REBEL WITH A CAUSE - I was pretty close to my dad. But Natalie Wood apparently crosses the line when she hugs her Dad. All she wants is some normal affection. And the Dad slaps her across the room.

Even though I loved my Dad and I'm sure he loved me, this scene in the movie really upset me. I remember one time I was about fourteen and I was just holding on to his arm. And he said it was too hot outside and I should just let go. But I held on anyway. And then he yelled at me again and said, "I said it was hot outside, let go!"

ONE TRUE THING - This is one of the few movies where I've cried throughout the whole thing. The movie is kind of depressing. Girl finally gets a great job and then discovers her mom is dying of cancer. Dad, William Hurt, tells her to come home and take care of the mother she was never close to. So she leaves her job, her boyfriend, and takes care of the mother that she can't stand out of guilt.

On top of that, she is questioned for murdering her, once her mother is found dead because of an overdose of her medication. Of course the daughter, played by Renee Zellweger, has thought of killing her mother, because she resents her so much. But of course, she would never ever do a thing like that.

The father says to her face, "I can't believe you had the guts to kill her." I didn't read the book, so I'm not sure who actually killed her. But I got the feeling it was the father. And here he is, accusing his daughter of killing her. When she is the one who took care of her, because he made her feel guilty enough.

Yours Truly, rancette at 12:01 AM PDT
Updated: Thursday, 14 October 2004 10:36 PM PDT
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Wednesday, 13 October 2004
Meet my cousin, Rancetera. No, not really. Rance is going through a mid-life crisis and is calling himself "Rancetera" now. Don't believe me? Go to his blog. I got the head's up from waxwing.

Sorry I haven't been posting here that much. I love the community over at Mindsay. However, I am going out of town this weekend. So I am writing posts in advance, because you can stage them to appear at a later date. So Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, I am going to schedule posts to appear here while I'm out of town. I hope this works. Mindsay is great and all, but I don't know that I'm going to have Internet access out of town. So I'll write my posts in advance just in case.

The rest of this week, I'll probably be at Mindsay. This weekend though, my posts will be here @ Tripod. So drop in and say hi.

Yours Truly, rancette at 12:03 PM PDT
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Tuesday, 5 October 2004
Rance and Rancette go to a Funeral
Topic: Rance & Rancette
RANCE: Hey, Rancette. I'm going to a funeral.

RANCETTE: Oh, I'm sorry. Who died? Anyone close to you?

RANCE: Yeah, family.

RANCETTE: I'm sorry.

RANCE: It's ok. She was older. We knew she was going to pass away soon.

RANCETTE: Still it hurts.

RANCE: Listen, would you like to go to the reception?

RANCETTE: But, I mean, this is a personal affair.

RANCE: Well, the funeral reception's for Janet Leigh.

RANCETTE: WHAT!? You're related to Janet Leigh!?



RANCE: Well, why don't you come and find out?

* * *

Setting: funeral reception.

Everyone is dressed in black, from head to toe. Rancette sees Jamie Lee Curtis from a distance. She also sees several people that she does not recognize. She wanders to the food table and picks out fruit and some little sandwiches.

Jamie Lee Curtis walks up to a podium.

JAMIE: Everybody. I would like to say a few words. She was the greatest mom. (starts crying) I can't go on!

KELLY: As Janet's other daughter, I would like to take over for Jamie. I want this to be a very special day and for everyone to think of their best memory of our mom.

Kelly and Jamie hug. Everyone applauds.

OLD AUNT (to Rancette): I don't recognize you! Are you one of those crazy fanatics Janet had? HELP! HELP!

Christopher Guest runs up, trying to hold the Old Aunt back from striking Rancette.

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: Now Aunt Lulu, this is Rancette. She's a close friend to Jamie and me.

OLD AUNT: Well, if you say so. See you later, Chrissy-boy.

RANCETTE: Wow, thank you for saving me like that. Did Rance tell you I was coming?


RANCETTE: No way! I would have never guessed. I thought you were much older.

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: Well, I'm no spring-chicken.

RANCETTE: You did say Janet was "family". You should have specified that she was your mother-in-law.

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: Well, I didn't want to give it away. Weren't you surprised? Wasn't this what you were least expecting?

RANCETTE: Are there any other stars here?

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: What!? You're not satisfied? You want to see other stars? Get out of here you ungrateful fool! Security!

Security throws Rancette outside the gates.


Yours Truly, rancette at 7:29 AM PDT
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Monday, 4 October 2004
Rance and Naomi's Honeymoon
Now Playing: Harold and Maude, the inspiration for this story
On the plane ride home, from London to Washington, D.C.

RANCE: I so sick of London. I'll be so glad to get back to the States. Home, sweet, home.

NAOMI: I know. I spent my first fourteen years in England. It'll be so great to go somewhere new, like Washington, D.C. I never spent enough time there.

RANCE: Are you scared about possible terrorist threats?

NAOMI: No, aren't you?

RANCE: You know me. I'm not scare of anything. Much less terrorists.

NAOMI: This is going to be the most romantic honeymoon ever.

RANCE: It's not like you've been married before.

NAOMI: But you have!

RANCE: Yes, and I agree. There is no place like Washington, D.C. So romantic.

NAOMI: Oh my gosh!

RANCE: What, Naomi?

NAOMI: Is that Cat Stevens?


NAOMI: You know that singer? He has a school in London.

RANCE: I didn't know that. Wasn't he the one who sang (singing) "It's another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody"?

NAOMI: Yeah.

RANCE: What a loser.

NAOMI: He changed his name to Yusef Islam.

RANCE: Youseff Islam!?! Holy cow! He's on our nation's most wanted terrorism list, Naomi. You alert the captain, while I take Youseff captive.


Rance sneaks behind Cat Stevens. He sticks his plastic fork to the back of his head.

RANCE: Hold it right there or I'll blow your head off, you no-good, terrorizing, piece of...

CAT: I only want peace. I have money. I will donate it to your favorite cause. Only please do not harm anyone on this flight, including me. If you believe in peace, Allah will forgive all your sins.

RANCE: I know you. You're the one who gives Osama all his ideas. How did you get past security?

CAT: I wrote "Peace Train". All I want is "peace".

RANCE: And will you attain peace once you take over this flight? By blowing up the USA? I don't think so Cat.

Rance punches Cat in the nose. Blood squirts all over. Rance twists Cat's hand until he begs for mercy.

RANCE: Alright, Youseff, we have you covered.

CAPTAIN (V.O.): Ladies and gentleman, stay in your seats while we apprehend Youseff Islam, aka Cat Stevens. Your cooperation is needed or this could be the new 9/11. Please keep calm.

Rance is kicking him on the floor now. An airline stewardess hands Rance handcuffs. Rance pulls Cat's hands behind his back and places the cuffs on him.

CAT: You'll be sorry. I'm innocent.

CAPTAIN (V.O.): We will shortly be landing in Bangor, Maine. There we shall deport Youseff Islam, AKA Cat Stevens. Don't worry, however. This delay will only be slight. We hope you are enjoying the flight today.

CAT: I am YU-sef Islam, not Youseff! You have the wrong man! I am for peace!

Rance kicks Cat in the head.

RANCE: Enough already. We know you're terrorist scum.

A little boy walks up to Rance.

BOY: May I have your auto-gwaff?

RANCE: Of course.

NAOMI: Aw, how sweet Bruce. This makes me want to have children of our own.

The lady across the aisle screams.

LADY: AHHH! AHHH! Are you really Bruce Willis? Are you really Naomi Watts? Is that really Cat Stevens? AHHH!! I've never met a celebrity in my life and now I've met three. Bruce, may I kick Cat in the head too?

RANCE/BRUCE: I think he's already unconscious, but sure you can kick him.


Yours Truly, rancette at 8:36 PM PDT
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Ok, I still haven't recovered from the praise
Ok, so they give me what I want. I got to post on Rance's blog. And now what? Now what?

Well, some extra comments were added today. Very helpful! I wasn't paying attention and misspelled "Michel" Gondry's name. It's Michel, not Michael!! I misread it like a million times then. Thank you so much to rocker for pointing this out to me. I hadn't had the privelege of running into rocker before. Just heard about him. So it's great that we know of each other's separate existences now.

Also, livijane said she'd kick my *** if I stopped writing, so whoa that got my brain into gear. I am working on something now. Rance and Rancette go to the Movies. Not sure how that is going to work out, cause I haven't started on it quite yet.

And finally, a shout out to chicken little. It seemed he didn't like my pardon the interruption bit at all! Total dislike was easier to take then I thought. Besides, there were several nice comments after chick's to make me feel better if I was upset, which I wasn't. To each his own. Yeah, it was cheap writing myself into the script. Sorry.

Oh yeah, I have to rewrite it so that Ms Lauren and Jason Statham go for a romp in the hay. And El wants me to have Rose pick out the eye of her husband. Ok.

ROSE: Sweetie, come here.

Husband approaches Rose. Rose grabs her husband's eye out of the socket and looks at it as if it were good enough to eat. Then she squishes it between her toes.

There you go! Ok, enough of that. Now I'm going to do some serious writing.

Yours Truly, rancette at 6:35 PM PDT
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Blog Hog
This past week I was a blog hog. Well, I have lots of stuff to catch up on, so I probably won't post at length this week. To tell the truth I was getting so geared up for "Pardon the Interruption", all my energy was in it and visiting Mindsay blogs. Oh, and let's not forget, my new favorite site.

Well, I have nothing more to say for right now. I'm here and I might be checking blogs. I'll post if I have something to say. But this week might be quieter than usual. Don't be alarmed! I'll be back.

Yours Truly, rancette at 3:34 PM PDT
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Friday, 1 October 2004
Apply to be Rancette's Administrative Staff
This is fake, just like Rance's call for the "new" Rance was. But if I like your entry, your fabulous post will be posted, having you be the guest-bloggist of the day.

The only reason this stands out is because I've never had a guest-bloggist, so you will be the very first one.

I got the idea for this, when I went to write my "Notes from Rancette" section. Usually I say "I don't have an administrative staff like Rance". I was thinking of being smart earlier and saying "Sorry, no administrative staff. All applicants have been rejected".

But then I caught myself in a lie. No one had applied to be my Administrative Staff.


Submit in 350 words or less why you want to be a part of my Administrative Staff.


I will leave the contest open for one week or until 3 people submit their entries. Which ever comes last.

Yours Truly, rancette at 8:53 AM PDT
Pardon the Interruption Part 11
Topic: Posts on Rance's Blog
DEDICATED TO ANNIE, thank you so much


Thank you to those two who had the hardest time waiting, but were so patient anyway:
Ms Lauren

The brunette casting director, early 30s, in a Christian Dior suit, handed the producer a list.

ANNA MONTOYA ... Anna Paquin
SAM ... Matthew Settle
STAN ... Marton Csokas
ROSE HAYGOOD ... Connie Nielsen
CLYDE CANTER ... Paul Bettany
MR. BUD ... John C. Reilly
LILY ... Perla Haney-Jardine
SARA ...Drew Barrymore
JOGGER ... Kevin Spacey
BILL ... David Carradine

CASTING DIRECTOR: This is what I'm thinking.

PRODUCER (ticked off): First of all, I don't want Kato Kaelin playing himself. Get someone who isn't tacky. What about Brad Pitt? Brad's scruffy like Kato, but he's a star. And his agent emailed me saying that he has intense interest in the role.

CASTING DIRECTOR: If I may say so, Brad Pitt is one of the tackiest actors out there.

PRODUCER: I know, but Rance mentioned him once.

CASTING DIRECTOR: Rance mentioned Cary Grant once. Should Cary play Stan?

PRODUCER: You're fired. Insolence! Get outta my office!!

CASTING DIRECTOR: Wait, a brilliant idea just came to me! Chris Cooper as Stan! He has a Bob Ewell face!

PRODUCER: Move it now. I'll make sure you never work in this town again. Exit the building! SECURITY!!!!!

Two buff security guards take the casting director away.

CASTING DIRECTOR ... Maggie Gyllenhaal
PRODUCER ... Harvey Weinstein
SECURITY GUARD #1 ... Vin Diesel
SECURITY GUARD #2 ... Jason Statham

Meanwhile back at Rancette's ranch, Rancette is speaking to her agent...

AGENT: I hate to break it to you. They don't like the changes you've made to "Pardon the Interruption".

RANCETTE: Well, when you have 30 different writers give or take... The writers are still getting their dough, even though I changed most of their details. It was for clarity's sake. I mean Kenmore refrigerators dropping from the sky? That's cool. But our director is not Ridley Scott, *Michel Gondry, or even Robert Altman. They would be the only ones who could pull off something like that. Our director would screw things up. You know him.

AGENT: I know this was a hard task, but you're in a tough line of work. You aren't pulling this together like they thought you could, Rancette. You've been fired.

RANCETTE: Fired?! Well, it's not my fault if the original writers are whining to the producer about how they're not going to hand over the rights to their side of the story unless everything is kept the same. I had to change stuff around. Especially since two writers didn't agree to have their part brought to the screen. That's why I had to change everything. Now, everyone who agreed to the terms... wow, they are going to receive one big, fat check. I kept all of the characters, even if I changed who they were a little bit. I thought I had total creative control. They can't fire me. Can't I do a re-write? I mean I was the writer of the screenplay.

AGENT: Yes, the keyword is "was". Plus, there's the issue of Rance wanting to star in the film. The script first appeared on his blog, so he had his rights. He's going to play Kato.

RANCETTE: Wow. First Kato Kaelin was cut out of his first role in years. Now Brad Pitt is cut out of the role, because of Rance!

AGENT: Brad Pitt IS Rance.

RANCETTE: What!?!? What a stunning revelation! What about his Naomi Watts fascination?

AGENT: He couldn't very well say "Jennifer Aniston is hot" on his blog. That would have given it away. That's why he sneakily remarked he liked Naomi Watts, lying through his teeth.

RANCETTE: They should get Naomi to play Anna!

AGENT: No, Brad refuses to work with her. Anyway, there's no point in discussing this. You have been fired without any pay. There's no way you could re-write everything without starting from scratch. You changed everything. They don't like the fact that Rose's husband isn't Clyde. That he's her lover and that other guy is her husband. In the original story, Rose and Clyde died. That is the foundation of our story, here.

RANCETTE: Her husband's name is Bill. If you even read the script, you might have been able to stand up for my creative decisions a little better.

AGENT: They don't like the fact that Bill killed Anna. And then killed himself. That wasn't the murder/suicide they had in mind. And Clyde is Lily's great-great grandfather, not her grandfather.

RANCETTE: Well, it was necessary, because I wanted Clyde to meet Lily. But he had to kidnap her.
AGENT: There are other things. Sara was a baby in your script. In the original "Pardon the Interruption" she was grown up. Could Rose have even had a baby at her age? Like I said, they don't like the changes. Too bad.

RANCETTE: But Bill discovers Sara is not really his baby. It's Clyde's baby, but Bill doesn't know that. He becomes *so angry with Anna for cheating on him that he shoots her, then himself. Crime of passion.

AGENT: So why did Clyde kidnapped Lily if he was her grandfather?

RANCETTE: He was estranged from his daughter, so he never had seen Lily. Once Sara, the secret love child, discovers the truth about her mother, she wants nothing to do with Clyde. She blames her father for her mother Rose's death. Clyde, who is now so old that he's ready to die any second, wanted to meet Lily; it was his dying wish.

AGENT: That is just the lamest thing I've ever heard. How would a dying man be able to kidnap a kid? Especially a mischievous one like Lily. Why would any one shell out money to see your film?

RANCETTE: Well, why don't you write the script?

AGENT: Because they've already replaced you with Ken!


*I didn't proofread as well as I should have and there are typos. I colored the typos red so you could see how it differed from the original post.

Yours Truly, rancette at 8:40 AM PDT
Updated: Saturday, 25 February 2006 12:49 PM PST
I'm dying to know...
... what you all think of my segment of "Pardon the Interruption". Unfortunately, it is not on Rance's site yet. I haven't heard of any further delays. Or that my post was rejected.

Just rest assured that it will be here soon. It's hurting me as much as it's hurting you. Who cares if I know what happened, if no one else knows? I want to know what people think. I hope the build-up isn't like the Jen and Ben fiasco, where you're waiting for the wedding, waiting for the wedding, and finally get tired of waiting for the wedding.

I'm not going to blame anyone. It is certainly not Rubber Duckie's fault. She is the mediator between the writers and Rance/Captain Hoof and is doing a great job. The top of the administration, be it Rance or Captain Hoof makes all the decisions of what goes up when. So please be patient. I hope you don't give up hope yet. Please don't!

Yours Truly, rancette at 8:39 AM PDT

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