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Agent Rancette
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Tuesday, 5 October 2004
Rance and Rancette go to a Funeral
Topic: Rance & Rancette
RANCE: Hey, Rancette. I'm going to a funeral.

RANCETTE: Oh, I'm sorry. Who died? Anyone close to you?

RANCE: Yeah, family.

RANCETTE: I'm sorry.

RANCE: It's ok. She was older. We knew she was going to pass away soon.

RANCETTE: Still it hurts.

RANCE: Listen, would you like to go to the reception?

RANCETTE: But, I mean, this is a personal affair.

RANCE: Well, the funeral reception's for Janet Leigh.

RANCETTE: WHAT!? You're related to Janet Leigh!?

RANCE: Yes.

RANCETTE: How?

RANCE: Well, why don't you come and find out?

* * *

Setting: funeral reception.

Everyone is dressed in black, from head to toe. Rancette sees Jamie Lee Curtis from a distance. She also sees several people that she does not recognize. She wanders to the food table and picks out fruit and some little sandwiches.

Jamie Lee Curtis walks up to a podium.

JAMIE: Everybody. I would like to say a few words. She was the greatest mom. (starts crying) I can't go on!

KELLY: As Janet's other daughter, I would like to take over for Jamie. I want this to be a very special day and for everyone to think of their best memory of our mom.

Kelly and Jamie hug. Everyone applauds.

OLD AUNT (to Rancette): I don't recognize you! Are you one of those crazy fanatics Janet had? HELP! HELP!

Christopher Guest runs up, trying to hold the Old Aunt back from striking Rancette.

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: Now Aunt Lulu, this is Rancette. She's a close friend to Jamie and me.

OLD AUNT: Well, if you say so. See you later, Chrissy-boy.

RANCETTE: Wow, thank you for saving me like that. Did Rance tell you I was coming?

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: I am Rance!

RANCETTE: No way! I would have never guessed. I thought you were much older.

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: Well, I'm no spring-chicken.

RANCETTE: You did say Janet was "family". You should have specified that she was your mother-in-law.

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: Well, I didn't want to give it away. Weren't you surprised? Wasn't this what you were least expecting?

RANCETTE: Are there any other stars here?

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: What!? You're not satisfied? You want to see other stars? Get out of here you ungrateful fool! Security!

Security throws Rancette outside the gates.

THE END

Yours Truly, rancette at 7:29 AM PDT
Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink
Monday, 4 October 2004
Rance and Naomi's Honeymoon
Now Playing: Harold and Maude, the inspiration for this story
On the plane ride home, from London to Washington, D.C.

RANCE: I so sick of London. I'll be so glad to get back to the States. Home, sweet, home.

NAOMI: I know. I spent my first fourteen years in England. It'll be so great to go somewhere new, like Washington, D.C. I never spent enough time there.

RANCE: Are you scared about possible terrorist threats?

NAOMI: No, aren't you?

RANCE: You know me. I'm not scare of anything. Much less terrorists.

NAOMI: This is going to be the most romantic honeymoon ever.

RANCE: It's not like you've been married before.

NAOMI: But you have!

RANCE: Yes, and I agree. There is no place like Washington, D.C. So romantic.

NAOMI: Oh my gosh!

RANCE: What, Naomi?

NAOMI: Is that Cat Stevens?

RANCE: Who?

NAOMI: You know that singer? He has a school in London.

RANCE: I didn't know that. Wasn't he the one who sang (singing) "It's another Saturday night and I ain't got nobody"?

NAOMI: Yeah.

RANCE: What a loser.

NAOMI: He changed his name to Yusef Islam.

RANCE: Youseff Islam!?! Holy cow! He's on our nation's most wanted terrorism list, Naomi. You alert the captain, while I take Youseff captive.

NAOMI: OK.

Rance sneaks behind Cat Stevens. He sticks his plastic fork to the back of his head.

RANCE: Hold it right there or I'll blow your head off, you no-good, terrorizing, piece of...

CAT: I only want peace. I have money. I will donate it to your favorite cause. Only please do not harm anyone on this flight, including me. If you believe in peace, Allah will forgive all your sins.

RANCE: I know you. You're the one who gives Osama all his ideas. How did you get past security?

CAT: I wrote "Peace Train". All I want is "peace".

RANCE: And will you attain peace once you take over this flight? By blowing up the USA? I don't think so Cat.

Rance punches Cat in the nose. Blood squirts all over. Rance twists Cat's hand until he begs for mercy.

RANCE: Alright, Youseff, we have you covered.

CAPTAIN (V.O.): Ladies and gentleman, stay in your seats while we apprehend Youseff Islam, aka Cat Stevens. Your cooperation is needed or this could be the new 9/11. Please keep calm.

Rance is kicking him on the floor now. An airline stewardess hands Rance handcuffs. Rance pulls Cat's hands behind his back and places the cuffs on him.

CAT: You'll be sorry. I'm innocent.

CAPTAIN (V.O.): We will shortly be landing in Bangor, Maine. There we shall deport Youseff Islam, AKA Cat Stevens. Don't worry, however. This delay will only be slight. We hope you are enjoying the flight today.

CAT: I am YU-sef Islam, not Youseff! You have the wrong man! I am for peace!

Rance kicks Cat in the head.

RANCE: Enough already. We know you're terrorist scum.

A little boy walks up to Rance.

BOY: May I have your auto-gwaff?

RANCE: Of course.

NAOMI: Aw, how sweet Bruce. This makes me want to have children of our own.

The lady across the aisle screams.

LADY: AHHH! AHHH! Are you really Bruce Willis? Are you really Naomi Watts? Is that really Cat Stevens? AHHH!! I've never met a celebrity in my life and now I've met three. Bruce, may I kick Cat in the head too?

RANCE/BRUCE: I think he's already unconscious, but sure you can kick him.

THE END

Yours Truly, rancette at 8:36 PM PDT
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Ok, I still haven't recovered from the praise
Ok, so they give me what I want. I got to post on Rance's blog. And now what? Now what?

Well, some extra comments were added today. Very helpful! I wasn't paying attention and misspelled "Michel" Gondry's name. It's Michel, not Michael!! I misread it like a million times then. Thank you so much to rocker for pointing this out to me. I hadn't had the privelege of running into rocker before. Just heard about him. So it's great that we know of each other's separate existences now.

Also, livijane said she'd kick my *** if I stopped writing, so whoa that got my brain into gear. I am working on something now. Rance and Rancette go to the Movies. Not sure how that is going to work out, cause I haven't started on it quite yet.

And finally, a shout out to chicken little. It seemed he didn't like my pardon the interruption bit at all! Total dislike was easier to take then I thought. Besides, there were several nice comments after chick's to make me feel better if I was upset, which I wasn't. To each his own. Yeah, it was cheap writing myself into the script. Sorry.

Oh yeah, I have to rewrite it so that Ms Lauren and Jason Statham go for a romp in the hay. And El wants me to have Rose pick out the eye of her husband. Ok.

ROSE: Sweetie, come here.

Husband approaches Rose. Rose grabs her husband's eye out of the socket and looks at it as if it were good enough to eat. Then she squishes it between her toes.

There you go! Ok, enough of that. Now I'm going to do some serious writing.

Yours Truly, rancette at 6:35 PM PDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Blog Hog
This past week I was a blog hog. Well, I have lots of stuff to catch up on, so I probably won't post at length this week. To tell the truth I was getting so geared up for "Pardon the Interruption", all my energy was in it and visiting Mindsay blogs. Oh, and let's not forget blogshares.com, my new favorite site.

Well, I have nothing more to say for right now. I'm here and I might be checking blogs. I'll post if I have something to say. But this week might be quieter than usual. Don't be alarmed! I'll be back.

Yours Truly, rancette at 3:34 PM PDT
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Friday, 1 October 2004
Apply to be Rancette's Administrative Staff
This is fake, just like Rance's call for the "new" Rance was. But if I like your entry, your fabulous post will be posted, having you be the guest-bloggist of the day.

The only reason this stands out is because I've never had a guest-bloggist, so you will be the very first one.

I got the idea for this, when I went to write my "Notes from Rancette" section. Usually I say "I don't have an administrative staff like Rance". I was thinking of being smart earlier and saying "Sorry, no administrative staff. All applicants have been rejected".

But then I caught myself in a lie. No one had applied to be my Administrative Staff.

Rules:

Submit in 350 words or less why you want to be a part of my Administrative Staff.

Duration:

I will leave the contest open for one week or until 3 people submit their entries. Which ever comes last.

Yours Truly, rancette at 8:53 AM PDT
Pardon the Interruption Part 11
Topic: Posts on Rance's Blog
DEDICATED TO ANNIE, thank you so much

ALSO THANKS TO THE FIRST COMMENTER ON RANCE'S SITE: Trish

Thank you to those two who had the hardest time waiting, but were so patient anyway:
Ranceline
Ms Lauren


The brunette casting director, early 30s, in a Christian Dior suit, handed the producer a list.

DEPUTY KATO KAELIN ... Kato Kaelin
ANNA MONTOYA ... Anna Paquin
SAM ... Matthew Settle
STAN ... Marton Csokas
ROSE HAYGOOD ... Connie Nielsen
CLYDE CANTER ... Paul Bettany
MR. BUD ... John C. Reilly
LILY ... Perla Haney-Jardine
SARA ...Drew Barrymore
JOGGER ... Kevin Spacey
BILL ... David Carradine

CASTING DIRECTOR: This is what I'm thinking.

PRODUCER (ticked off): First of all, I don't want Kato Kaelin playing himself. Get someone who isn't tacky. What about Brad Pitt? Brad's scruffy like Kato, but he's a star. And his agent emailed me saying that he has intense interest in the role.

CASTING DIRECTOR: If I may say so, Brad Pitt is one of the tackiest actors out there.

PRODUCER: I know, but Rance mentioned him once.

CASTING DIRECTOR: Rance mentioned Cary Grant once. Should Cary play Stan?

PRODUCER: You're fired. Insolence! Get outta my office!!

CASTING DIRECTOR: Wait, a brilliant idea just came to me! Chris Cooper as Stan! He has a Bob Ewell face!

PRODUCER: Move it now. I'll make sure you never work in this town again. Exit the building! SECURITY!!!!!

Two buff security guards take the casting director away.

CREDITS:
CASTING DIRECTOR ... Maggie Gyllenhaal
PRODUCER ... Harvey Weinstein
SECURITY GUARD #1 ... Vin Diesel
SECURITY GUARD #2 ... Jason Statham

Meanwhile back at Rancette's ranch, Rancette is speaking to her agent...

AGENT: I hate to break it to you. They don't like the changes you've made to "Pardon the Interruption".

RANCETTE: Well, when you have 30 different writers give or take... The writers are still getting their dough, even though I changed most of their details. It was for clarity's sake. I mean Kenmore refrigerators dropping from the sky? That's cool. But our director is not Ridley Scott, *Michel Gondry, or even Robert Altman. They would be the only ones who could pull off something like that. Our director would screw things up. You know him.

AGENT: I know this was a hard task, but you're in a tough line of work. You aren't pulling this together like they thought you could, Rancette. You've been fired.

RANCETTE: Fired?! Well, it's not my fault if the original writers are whining to the producer about how they're not going to hand over the rights to their side of the story unless everything is kept the same. I had to change stuff around. Especially since two writers didn't agree to have their part brought to the screen. That's why I had to change everything. Now, everyone who agreed to the terms... wow, they are going to receive one big, fat check. I kept all of the characters, even if I changed who they were a little bit. I thought I had total creative control. They can't fire me. Can't I do a re-write? I mean I was the writer of the screenplay.

AGENT: Yes, the keyword is "was". Plus, there's the issue of Rance wanting to star in the film. The script first appeared on his blog, so he had his rights. He's going to play Kato.

RANCETTE: Wow. First Kato Kaelin was cut out of his first role in years. Now Brad Pitt is cut out of the role, because of Rance!

AGENT: Brad Pitt IS Rance.

RANCETTE: What!?!? What a stunning revelation! What about his Naomi Watts fascination?

AGENT: He couldn't very well say "Jennifer Aniston is hot" on his blog. That would have given it away. That's why he sneakily remarked he liked Naomi Watts, lying through his teeth.

RANCETTE: They should get Naomi to play Anna!

AGENT: No, Brad refuses to work with her. Anyway, there's no point in discussing this. You have been fired without any pay. There's no way you could re-write everything without starting from scratch. You changed everything. They don't like the fact that Rose's husband isn't Clyde. That he's her lover and that other guy is her husband. In the original story, Rose and Clyde died. That is the foundation of our story, here.

RANCETTE: Her husband's name is Bill. If you even read the script, you might have been able to stand up for my creative decisions a little better.

AGENT: They don't like the fact that Bill killed Anna. And then killed himself. That wasn't the murder/suicide they had in mind. And Clyde is Lily's great-great grandfather, not her grandfather.

RANCETTE: Well, it was necessary, because I wanted Clyde to meet Lily. But he had to kidnap her.
AGENT: There are other things. Sara was a baby in your script. In the original "Pardon the Interruption" she was grown up. Could Rose have even had a baby at her age? Like I said, they don't like the changes. Too bad.

RANCETTE: But Bill discovers Sara is not really his baby. It's Clyde's baby, but Bill doesn't know that. He becomes *so angry with Anna for cheating on him that he shoots her, then himself. Crime of passion.

AGENT: So why did Clyde kidnapped Lily if he was her grandfather?

RANCETTE: He was estranged from his daughter, so he never had seen Lily. Once Sara, the secret love child, discovers the truth about her mother, she wants nothing to do with Clyde. She blames her father for her mother Rose's death. Clyde, who is now so old that he's ready to die any second, wanted to meet Lily; it was his dying wish.

AGENT: That is just the lamest thing I've ever heard. How would a dying man be able to kidnap a kid? Especially a mischievous one like Lily. Why would any one shell out money to see your film?

RANCETTE: Well, why don't you write the script?

AGENT: Because they've already replaced you with Ken!

TO BE CONTINUED...

Footnote:
*I didn't proofread as well as I should have and there are typos. I colored the typos red so you could see how it differed from the original post.

Yours Truly, rancette at 8:40 AM PDT
Updated: Saturday, 25 February 2006 12:49 PM PST
I'm dying to know...
... what you all think of my segment of "Pardon the Interruption". Unfortunately, it is not on Rance's site yet. I haven't heard of any further delays. Or that my post was rejected.

Just rest assured that it will be here soon. It's hurting me as much as it's hurting you. Who cares if I know what happened, if no one else knows? I want to know what people think. I hope the build-up isn't like the Jen and Ben fiasco, where you're waiting for the wedding, waiting for the wedding, and finally get tired of waiting for the wedding.

I'm not going to blame anyone. It is certainly not Rubber Duckie's fault. She is the mediator between the writers and Rance/Captain Hoof and is doing a great job. The top of the administration, be it Rance or Captain Hoof makes all the decisions of what goes up when. So please be patient. I hope you don't give up hope yet. Please don't!

Yours Truly, rancette at 8:39 AM PDT
Thursday, 30 September 2004
Notes from Rancette
What I'm afraid of

Well, I know I don't respond to every single comment. I am afraid it is going to come back to haunt me. Because I gave Gus Openshaw a hard time about it on my Mindsay blog.

Actually, if you mention Gus on your site on Mindsay, you usually get listed in the top blogs for that day. So I created an all about Gus post.

I don't want Gus to feel bad, I just wanted to get the message out to him. I didn't create the post just for the heck of it or simply because I might be a top blog on Mindsay.

I had something to say. And what I said was true. ATTN GUS: If you have followers and you don't talk to them, they're going to leave!

That being said, I'd like to thank the following people in alphabetical order:

Annie
BGC
chinq
Col Mustard
flyrchld
jillyjilly
kj4ever
Lanie
Lora
marchesque
Ms Lauren
Nicole
princessr9
Queenie
Ranceline aka crouchingtiger16
Rancelot
Tad Bitter
Vanessa Lea Nownes
Wakefield
waxwing
[your name here] <--- if I didn't mention you and you are reading this, please tell me I forgot you. If you are new, introduce yourself. You don't have to say much if you don't want to. Just say hi!


I really want you to feel special, because I would have stopped blogging if not for you!! Well, I don't know, but I definitely wouldn't have posted as much if no one had been reading. And I probably would've asked myself, what's the point anyway?

So thank you for making me feel great about blogging!!


Rance

I've given up the idea that Rance would ever contact me. It just isn't going to happen. So why hope? But I still love his blog, especially since other people have been posting instead of him! (Would I have said that a month ago? :o No way!!!!)

But if you're not Rance, don't be like Gus and piss off your readers. Of course, Gus is Rance. That is very clear. Neither of them are "confirm"-ing or "deny"-ing anything.

Cat Stevens

I discovered a great site today, but my creating a link option isn't working today, so try cut & paste:

http://spitspot.blogspot.com/ (scroll down a little bit)

If you haven't read the news lately, Cat Stevens was not allowed to enter this country. He was headed for Washington, D.C. And when they saw his name on the list and then compared it to the list of most wanted terrorists, they thought his name was on there.

Cat Stevens changed his name to Yusef Islam. And the person they were actually looking for had been "Youseff" Islam. Cat had actually been in New York this past May. So it was a mistake. But the "throw cat stevens in jail" link is funny, nonetheless.

Besides, what was Cat, a Muslim, wanting to do in hot terrorist targets like New York City and Washington, D.C.? He should steer clear of those cities if he wants to keep out of trouble. Yeah, this is a free country. But he relocated to England and started a school of his own there, so don't come back and scare us to death!

Oh yeah

I meant to answer Ranceline's question about how I've posted 10X on Rance's site (well, really 11X. I posted it today. I'm not going to reprint it here, because frankly, it was getting annoying reprinting my rance posts here.). So she wondered if they are going to put a link up to my site now, since the rule is you have to post to Rance's site before being considered for a link. Now what's the other criteria? I have no clue. I probably won't get a link. But it's worth it to ask. I asked Rubber Dee Duckie, AR, to put the world in for me. She obliged, saying she'd direct my request to the right person (Captain Hoof? I dunno).

So of course, you'll hear it first from me if my link makes it to Rance's site! Unless that is you were on Rance's site and found it out there first.


Yours Truly, rancette at 5:46 PM PDT
Updated: Thursday, 30 September 2004 5:52 PM PDT
Wednesday, 29 September 2004
Today
I've been sick since Friday (for more info go to rancette @ Mindsay --->).

My diet and sleeping patterns are usually pretty normal. I'm a morning person. But since I've gotten sick, I have been thrown off balance. I have maybe gotten 4 hours of sleep per night, as opposed to the regular 8. And maybe I'll rest during the day and take naps, but being so stationery, I feel so bad, cause usually I am always on the go, doing something, being productive, focusing on my ambitions.

Since I've been sick, I've gotten a lot of insight into life. Maybe it's because I've resorted to spending my days and sleepless nights reading Mindsay blogs. Well, usually I only go on Mindsay for a little bit. But yesterday, I was on all day and night. I was composing post after post. I still have most posts.

It's amazing. Ever since I've gotten sick, I've been writing some much deeper stuff (not including my Agent Rancette post earlier today!). I mean I have posts lined up for the next 2 weeks on what I could talk about now. I usually try to keep my posting to once or twice a day. But I'm sick. And all I'm doing is thinking and writing and lying in my bed. Sitting on my chair, typing into my computer.

So I was reading this one blog. I thought I kept the link, but I can't find it now. Anyway, they asked the ultimate question:

Why do people blog?



And you know, I started out blogging, so I could write about Rance and so maybe I could even impress Rance. But maybe my reasons for starting out blogging are different than the reasons I continue to blog.

I continue to blog, because yes it is a way to organize my thoughts. I write stuff here I never would never have thought of writing, if it weren't for other blogs. Like Rance & Rancette? I would have never thought of that, if I were just being a serious writer and trying to stick to my normal way of writing. Sometimes I'll write lyrics, sometimes I'll work on writing my scripts, sometimes I'll even post in essay-style.

But blogging has caused me to be able to simply write out my thoughts without wondering if I'm going anywhere, and then I end up maybe going somewhere I wouldn't have otherwise, if I simply stuck to structured writing.

Back to:

Why do we blog?

People blog for different reasons. All blogs are different. Blogging makes it easy to expose the real you. Because usually, for me, I try to hold in what I'm saying or thinking to other people, because I don't want to come off the wrong way. Or maybe someone will feel I'm too judgmental.

So when I first started blogging, I blogged to please Rance. Then I realized, who cares what Rance or anyone else thinks? Now, I post what I want.

And it is great that along the way, I have had readers being very supportive. And it might be easy to crawl back in that shell and say, "Well, I don't want to expose anymore of myself, because they might not like me anymore." But the people here are so accepting. And I don't mind difference of opinions once in awhile.

Maybe I have not been as bold as I think I have been. Sometimes, I do hold back, like in the issue of politics. But I kind of stuck my feelers out yesterday and tested the political waters. No one was mean about my conservative post. It was supposed to be funny. And I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

So anyhow, in conclusion, it feels great to blog. For me, it has become a way of connecting. I had no idea that I would get wrapped into this community, like I did. But it is wonderful.

Yours Truly, rancette at 1:19 PM PDT
Agent Rancette finds Naomi Watts' Secret diary...
Now Playing: cue scary music
Topic: Agent Rancette
...revealing her Birthday details + tapes of her phone being tapped.

AGENT RANCETTE: Judge, I'd like to submit this as evidence.

The judge opens the diary.

September 28, 2004


Dear Diary,

Today was my birthday. I got together with Nic and the security guards threw out Heath when he tried to show up. But it still wasn't the same. I got a beautiful emerald necklace from [deleted]. I know he's interested in me, but I'm not really interested in him. I hate to break his heart. But mine is breaking right now. Because "the only one I've ever loved has gone away". I can't stop crying. See my tears on the page.

Yours so truly,
Naomi


JUDGE: Hmm, interesting. I've always been a fan of Naomi myself. I never dreamed that I'd be reading her diary one day. This is so cool.

Agent Rancette shows the judge tapes.

AGENT RANCETTE: And these are the tapes of the phone call, placed right after she penned the diary entry.

Rancette hits the play button.

NAOMI: Hello?

RANCE: Hello, sweetie!

NAOMI: Rance! You called! You remembered!

RANCE: Of course, sweetie. Happy Birthday! I've been thinking about you all day.

NAOMI: You have?

RANCE: Of course, I even thought of what to name our baby.

NAOMI: But I'm not pregnant!

RANCE: I know, but I've still thought of a name for our child.

NAOMI: That is so sweet.

RANCE: You'll love it.

NAOMI: Tell me.

RANCE: Romice.

NAOMI: Oh, I love it. How did you find that name?

RANCE: Well, my love, both of our names have 5 letters in it.

NAOMI: Yes?

RANCE: We both have an "A" and an "N" in our names.

NAOMI: Yes?

RANCE: Take those letters away, and the ones remaining are R-O-M-I-C-E.

NAOMI: Romice! That is so perfect. I want to marry you right now.

RANCE: Wait Naomi...

NAOMI: Oh, I love the way you say my name.

RANCE: Naomi, I have to conquer the world first.

NAOMI: But Rance, honey, you couldn't exactly conquer the whole world! I'm afraid you'll never marry me if you're waiting for something that may never happen.

RANCE: Are you questioning me?

NAOMI: No?

RANCE: You totally killed the mood. I don't know if I like you anymore.

NAOMI: But Rance! It's my BIRTHDAY. You can't break up with me on my BIRTHDAY! I had a terrible time all day. Everyone remembered, but I felt so crummy until I received your call. Don't tell me you're breaking up with me. I couldn't handle it.

[Rance's line goes dead. Naomi sobs into her end of the receiver.]


JUDGE: So what exactly are we investigating here?

AGENT RANCETTE: I was hired to find out about the strange disappearance of Naomi Watts.

JUDGE: Well, she "disappeared" because Rance had no interest in her anymore. So people stopped caring about her.

AGENT RANCETTE: No she DISAPPEARED. She's missing! Take this seriously, Judge. I want the diary entry and the tapes filed as evidence. I want you to issue a search warrant for Rance's place. You need to do this. Before it's too late. Naomi may be in danger!

TO BE CONTINUED...

(Actually, I'm not going to continue this. I want this left up to your imagination.)

Yours Truly, rancette at 10:59 AM PDT
Updated: Wednesday, 29 September 2004 11:10 AM PDT
Tuesday, 28 September 2004
10th post on Rance's site
Topic: Posts on Rance's Blog
Well, I was a little mixed up. My "Pardon the Interruption" segment will be here Wednesday instead of today, because I thought Snubby would post on Tuesday. So I don't want to jump the gun. As soon as Snubby has their say, I will totally post it once I've made any necessary changes.

Now, I don't know Snubby. I wish I did so they could give me the heads up of what they are planning to do. But I trust I can deal with it. If I have to completely change everything, I might post the original "pardon the Interruption" segment on this site in addition to any re-write I may have to create on Wednesday. But rest assured, it is turning out well.

Snubby, if you're out there, please shout out to me!! (Within the next 24-48 hours)


That being said, I commented today on Rance's blog. Rance is calling himself Captain Hoof now. I don't know if that's an alter ego or what. But princessr9 said that she'd like to run over the "masternaders" with her SUV, but wasn't going to, because she couldn't vote from prison. I said,

You could always run them over after the election.

You know, give them a fair warning. If they vote for Nader, then run them over. After you've safely voted. Just a suggestion. I was kind of ticked that Rance used his blog as a "platform". It was very Ben Affleck of him and I'm not sure I was very pleased. But hey, it's his blog. And Thursday, I will have my say. And hopefully, Rance won't be too ticked off (he might not even notice me).

And we all know that I'd love to be noticed by Rance! Wooo, I feel another Rance & Rancette story coming on within the next week or two.

Yours Truly, rancette at 10:58 AM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 28 September 2004 2:14 PM PDT
Monday, 27 September 2004
My new online friend
Okay, all my old online friends, don't get jealous. I still love you. But I have a new friend. Ms Lauren.

You know, we seemed to hit it off, at least I hope she thought so. Cause I ticked her off on Rance's blog. Well, she didn't sound angry. So I sent her a private email on what I'm planning to unveil on Thursday, just so she wouldn't have to wait.

Of course, to my other blogging friends, I'm planning to upload my segment Tuesday afternoon/evening on this site, right here, your regular programming, if all goes well (if I don't have to go to the hospital for tonsil removal--which isn't likely but possible).

Maybe I'm not supposed to post this info on "pardon the interruption", and if someone high in charge at the Rance blog asks me to remove it, I will.

Anyhow, let me pass on Ms Lauren's link:
Ms Lauren

As a rule, I like keeping people in suspense. But if it's a matter of torture, which this instance kind of was, I don't really believe in it. So I had to tell her everything. I have some really screwy ideas for Pardon the Interruption and I hope no one gets too upset. If you do, well, uh, um, too bad!

See you tomorrow. Please check back. I will be here if I'm alive and well.

PS- If you have visited my Mindsay blog, I am just returning to sanity, so please don't be scared off.

Yours Truly, rancette at 7:53 PM PDT
Updated: Monday, 27 September 2004 8:00 PM PDT
9th post to Rance's site
Topic: Posts on Rance's Blog
Today on Rance's site, Ms. Lauren asked if the contributors for "Pardon the Interruption" were going to get royalties.

I said,

I plan on answering your question on Wednesday.

UPDATE: My part of Pardon the Interruption will take place on Thursday instead.

Yours Truly, rancette at 1:04 PM PDT
Updated: Monday, 27 September 2004 3:43 PM PDT
Reflecting on Celebrities That Drive Me Insane!
First of all, I have not been met with any opposition. No one has said, "You're so wrong, man. Julia is the bomb. Can't you see her beauty?" It would scare me if I'm right about everyone on my list.

Please voice your opinion if you disagree. I won't be like Rush Limbaugh and ridicule you even if you have a good point. That's right. You can disagree with me about anyone on my list. That is except Charlize Theron. If you post any nice posts about CT, I will be forced to delete your post and no one will be able to view it.

Yours Truly, rancette at 12:34 PM PDT
Sunday, 26 September 2004
Celebrities That Drive Me Insane! Part 4
10. Charlotte Church
I was thinking of the lovely people from Wales today. Let's see Tom Jones, Anthony Hopkins, Charlotte Church. Then I stopped dead in my tracks. Charlotte Church isn't lovely. She expressed anti-American sentiment after 9/11.

To top that, her voice doesn't sound all that good. Her recent songs featured a cracked voice. It sucks, I've noticed this about Lee Ann Rimes' new song. Maybe they were impressive as little girl singers, but now they are washed up in my opinion.

11. Shirley MacLaine
There is no movie I've seen with Shirley MacLaine that is bad. Even The Bliss of Mrs. Blossom. Maybe The Trouble With Harry wasn't the greatest movie ever, but #1) she was the greatest thing about that movie and #2) that was her first movie, so I'll have to give her a break. But please. She is a complete nutcase. It is so sad that someone with so much intelligence and talent has to be an astrology/UFO/reincarnation freak. For more info, see her site at shirleymaclaine.com

12. Charlize Theron
Do you see a trend yet? Names that begin with a "Shh" sound. I would have preferred any actress nominated last year to win over this chick. I hadn't seen Monster though, so I believed that maybe she could have done a good job in the role. Well, I saw this movie recently. Watching two hours of lesbian affection is really sickening. Not only was she a lesbian, but a murderer. Murdering came really natural to her character.

I think an Academy Award should have gone to the make-up artist, but not her! But please, when I was watching this movie, I remember thinking how much more I was moved by the girl in Whale Rider or how much more Samantha Morton deserved the award for In America. Maybe Charlize has "paid her dues" for "ten years" of acting in such movies as Reindeer Games or Italian Job. Don't forget one of the worst movies of all time, Sweet November. Can she go straight from those movies to Oscar winning material? I don't really think she made that much of a transition. Monster was boring and pathetic and a waste of my time. If I'm going to see a lesbian-themed movie, The Children's Hour with the aforementioned Shirley MacLaine is a much better bet.

In conclusion, Charlize has been met with the Oscar curse. Her new movie, Head in the Clouds has not been met favorably by critics and probably won't go further than "limited-release". I admit I might have had some interest in that movie had not Charlize been in it.

Yours Truly, rancette at 2:42 PM PDT
Updated: Sunday, 26 September 2004 4:24 PM PDT

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