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Agent Rancette
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Sunday, 26 September 2004
Celebrities That Drive Me Insane! Part 4
10. Charlotte Church
I was thinking of the lovely people from Wales today. Let's see Tom Jones, Anthony Hopkins, Charlotte Church. Then I stopped dead in my tracks. Charlotte Church isn't lovely. She expressed anti-American sentiment after 9/11.

To top that, her voice doesn't sound all that good. Her recent songs featured a cracked voice. It sucks, I've noticed this about Lee Ann Rimes' new song. Maybe they were impressive as little girl singers, but now they are washed up in my opinion.

11. Shirley MacLaine
There is no movie I've seen with Shirley MacLaine that is bad. Even The Bliss of Mrs. Blossom. Maybe The Trouble With Harry wasn't the greatest movie ever, but #1) she was the greatest thing about that movie and #2) that was her first movie, so I'll have to give her a break. But please. She is a complete nutcase. It is so sad that someone with so much intelligence and talent has to be an astrology/UFO/reincarnation freak. For more info, see her site at

12. Charlize Theron
Do you see a trend yet? Names that begin with a "Shh" sound. I would have preferred any actress nominated last year to win over this chick. I hadn't seen Monster though, so I believed that maybe she could have done a good job in the role. Well, I saw this movie recently. Watching two hours of lesbian affection is really sickening. Not only was she a lesbian, but a murderer. Murdering came really natural to her character.

I think an Academy Award should have gone to the make-up artist, but not her! But please, when I was watching this movie, I remember thinking how much more I was moved by the girl in Whale Rider or how much more Samantha Morton deserved the award for In America. Maybe Charlize has "paid her dues" for "ten years" of acting in such movies as Reindeer Games or Italian Job. Don't forget one of the worst movies of all time, Sweet November. Can she go straight from those movies to Oscar winning material? I don't really think she made that much of a transition. Monster was boring and pathetic and a waste of my time. If I'm going to see a lesbian-themed movie, The Children's Hour with the aforementioned Shirley MacLaine is a much better bet.

In conclusion, Charlize has been met with the Oscar curse. Her new movie, Head in the Clouds has not been met favorably by critics and probably won't go further than "limited-release". I admit I might have had some interest in that movie had not Charlize been in it.

Yours Truly, rancette at 2:42 PM PDT
Updated: Sunday, 26 September 2004 4:24 PM PDT
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Saturday, 25 September 2004
Top Celebrities that Drive Me Insane! Part 3
7. Macauley Culkin
Ok, this bugger can complain his life was ruined by being a child star. Too bad. Married to Rachel Miner at 17, divorced within a couple years. According to, was arrested in Oklahoma within the last week in a half on September 17th, for possession of marijuana. Wow, 17 seems to be his unlucky number!

8. Julia Roberts
She fights with husband Danny in public constantly and has begun making sucky movies like "Mona Lisa Smile" and "Full Frontal". Then she expects us to be happy for her, and for us to think her marriage will last just because she's having twins. Ok, none of her fan sites had any pictures of her yelling at Danny. Her fans drive me crazy also, for deluding themselves as Julia deludes herself!

9. Katie Holmes
Ok, so some people liked her as a TV actress, but I'm not crazy about her not-so-seamless transfer to the screen. She takes off her shirt in The Gift. Is this to make up for the fact that she can't really act? And First Daughter? I'm fed up enough with Jenna and Laura Bush. Why would I see a movie about some wild President's daughter who wants to make her own decisions? Oh, please, if I want to see a character transformation movie, I'd rather rent Never Been Kissed again.

Notes from Rancette (no I haven't hired Administrative Staff yet, ok this joke is getting worn out, but who cares?):

I'm working on my segment of Pardon the Interruption (see Rance's site). I thought I'd get a head start and at least begin working out some of the ideas I had. My segment will be really screwy, so apologies to anyone in advance if I end up creating a monster. But I plan on posting it on Tuesday afternoon, so I can unveil something new here on Wednesday.

I'm working on a new gimmick. Rance & Rancette is getting pretty old. So is the Britney series. Wow, that one got old reaaal quick. Also, if Pardon the Interruption creates more traffic for this site, I want to have something cool posted ON Wednesday. I'm thinking about asking for submissions for ideas like Rance used to do. Now all I have to do is come up with it.

I will probably do two more segments of "Top Celebrities that Drive Me Insane!", then post "Pardon the Interruption" on Tuesday. Then I will open up the floor on Wednesday.

Please tell me if anything I'm doing sucks! I always like it when someone points out something. I'm always pointing something out at someone else's blog. It's because I like the blog and want to give advice to what is working and what isn't. For all those who have commented so far, thanks! It's really helpful.

Yours Truly, rancette at 8:07 AM PDT
Updated: Saturday, 25 September 2004 8:47 AM PDT
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Friday, 24 September 2004
Top Celebrities that Drive Me Insane! Part 2
4. I'd like to echo Vanessa Lea's statement about how annoying Paris Hilton is. I decided to watch an episode of Simple Life during the first season. The TV wasn't working right, because I think I was housesitting for someone and I didn't know what was wrong. But it was all fuzzy and I'm like "forget this ****". Why should I care about some rich chick with no brains and not an ounce of decency? It's all about class. And maybe she's a millionaire (heir to billions?), but she doesn't know what real class is.

5. Christina Aguilera
This girl can sing. This girl also can dress like trailer trash. I don't want to hear about how women should be able to sleep around with men and not be called hos.

6. Martha Stewart
I don't care if she got jail time. Have you seen Goodfellas? Jail will be a cinch for her. I know she was thinking "OJ got off, so will I." Well, too bad. Next time, either cover your tracks better or don't try to appear so perfect when you're not.

Yours Truly, rancette at 10:36 AM PDT
Updated: Friday, 24 September 2004 1:15 PM PDT
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Thursday, 23 September 2004
Top Celebrities That Drive Me Insane!
1. Britney Spears
First of all, she gets married over the weekend. She's too young. Then I find out that it was a "faux wedding" and might have never happened. But supposedly, she is pregnant. This all accounts for the wrong information I've posted on my blog. Britney doesn't want to get the story straight, so that's her loss, whatever! Soon, we will cease to care.

2. Rance
Okay, I love Rance, but I didn't go back and read all the archives since I've been a faithful reader in June. So I do a search on Yahoo and Google "Rance Naomi Watts". The top site on Yahoo is my site, oddly enough. The top site on Google search is Rance's site. So this is what Rance says about Naomi Watts exactly (Tues., March 2, 2004):

Beauty's only skin-deep, etc., but, since you asked, if I were to award Best Actress based on looks, the winner is Naomi Watts, no doubt. She's a mutant in terms of beauty.

Hmm, the word Rance uses isn't "stunning". It's "mutant"! From now on, Naomi Watts will be henceforth known as "The Mutant" or "Mrs. Rance". I will work on a glossary of terms, so no one will be confused.

3. Rancette
Ok, maybe I'm not a household name. But yes, I drive myself insane. I typed up my novel and printed it out for a friend to read. OMG, typos galore. I typed "fun" three times instead of "gun". Not good. So revising it is this week/weekend. The good news is, my friend said she liked the book. The bad news is, she's my friend, so she didn't really offer constructive criticism. So I'm going to work on revisions and then... maybe I'll take the next step to sending it out. Keep your fingers crossed!

Yours Truly, rancette at 9:14 AM PDT
Updated: Thursday, 23 September 2004 9:23 AM PDT
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Wednesday, 22 September 2004
Top 9 Characters
I've been enjoying Tad's class. Recently, he's been talking about characters. Over at Mindsay, I've been making lists. So I've decided, why not create a list of my favorite characters of all time?

Like one person said, it may oversimply Indiana Jones' character to assign him one special fear: that of snakes. I've never really liked Steven Speilberg all that much. Even though he's created some of the most "memorable" movies of all time, I get bored with his formulaic stories and characters.

Some of the most interesting characters I've ever encountered in a movie:

Lenny in Memento (Guy Pearce): Short-term memory problem. Wants to avenge his wife's death. Has tattoos all over himself to cope with his memory problem.

Uncle Charlie in Shadow of a Doubt (Joseph Cotten): Hates having his picture taken. Stern. Murderer. He is mysterious at first, but as the story unfolds, his secrets cannot be hidden and he is exposed.

Penny Lane in Almost Famous (Kate Hudson): Groupie. She is mysterious at first, but reveals 3/4 into the movie that her name is Lady Goodman, because ultimately she wants to be known.

Mitchell, the lawyer in Sweet Hereafter (Ian Holm): Is prosecuting in a case involving the deaths of several innocent children. It is revealed later that he may not have been such a good father himself. His daughter is on the road to destruction, with sex, drugs, and total disregard for anyone else. While dealing with this case, he is fighting an internal battle about how good or how poor of a father he was.

Eugene Simonet in Pay It Forward (Kevin Spacey): Has been badly burned all over. He's a teacher, who is trying to help his children how to discover to change the world in their own way. He is expecting to change the lives of his pupils, but it is the life of one pupil that changes him. He also learns to love, as barriers come down.

Margo Tennenbaum in The Royal Tennenbaums(Irene Gorovaia/Gwyneth Paltrow): Adopted kid. Failed playwright. Wooden finger. Sole barrette on the left side of her head. In love with her adopted brother. Married to an older man. Margo's character is one of the quirkiest and best-drawn I have ever come across.

Vincent Freeman in Gattaca (Ethan Hawke): This person is told as a kid that his genetics aren't as good as his brother's. He is predestined to fail. But his determination might help him outrun his fate. This character will go through anything to get what he wants.

Two characters I haven't mentioned and don't need to describe... Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins) and Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins). These characters are so unique and so intense. They are riddled with faults. They might seem at first glance to be even normal, but the more you look at them reveals how twisted and deranged they are.

If you look at all these characters, most of them deal with not only external battles, but internal. The psychological makeup of these characters has to be interesting, but so does the external events around them. Lenny from Memento could be the most normal person ever. But once his wife dies and once the need to avenge her death surfaces, the real Lenny comes out. And that's why movies are made. To capture the real person in the face of adversity.

The reason why most of these characters worked so well, is how they were portrayed by the actors. It is really hard to portray something internal on-screen. However, if you have the right actor, like Kevin Spacey or Anthony Hopkins, a whole new scary, exciting world is created.

Yours Truly, rancette at 6:23 AM PDT
Updated: Wednesday, 22 September 2004 8:50 AM PDT
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Tuesday, 21 September 2004

Collette hands yet another wedding picture to her frazzled co-worker.

COLLETTE: And this is when they cut the cake! Doesn't Britney look sweet?

CO-WORKER: Yeah, uh huh. Listen, Collette, I really have a lot of work to do. My 8 year-old neice would be thrilled to see these photos, but I'm not really...

COLLETTE: And they're planning to name the baby after me!

CO-WORKER: Holy cow!

Co-worker frantically dials The Enquirer.

CO-WORKER: Hello, Enquirer? Britney Spears is pregnant! Yes, I'm sitting here talking to Collette Federline right now.

COLLETTE: No, no, she's not pregnant! But when she does have the baby, she's naming it "Lynne Collette Federline."

Co-worker hangs up the phone in disgust.

CO-WORKER: Then they're calling the baby Lynne and not Collette.

COLLETTE: No, the first name will be Lynne, but they're calling her by her middle name, Collette, after me.

CO-WORKER: What if it's a boy?

COLLETTE: Uh, well, uh they'll name it Michael Jamie Federline after Kevin's dad and Britney's dad.

CO-WORKER: Oh come on, they won't name it Apple or Seven?

COLLETTE: Those are unusual names. My daughter-in-law wouldn't make a child suffer like that.

CO-WORKER: Those are the names of my children! Apple and Seven. You are so cruel.

The next issue of the Enquirer has a picture of Britney 7 months pregnant.

Britney calls Collette.

BRITNEY (sobbing): Mamaaa, this is so awfuuuullllll....

COLLETTE: I know Britney.

BRITNEY: I can't believe this is happening!

COLLETTE: Britney, I just want you to know, that Michael and I will be here for you through this ordeal.

BRITNEY: I don't even want a baby right now! I have too much going on. I'm too young to be a mother. These pictures are fake. I'm not pregnant.

COLLETTE: I know, sweetie, I know.

BRITNEY: And the most awful thing, is I heard that you supplied the Enquirer with the information!

COLLETTE: Well, I uh, they...

BRITNEY: Yeah, in the future, I'd appreciate it if you weren't such a two-faced, back-biting mother-in-law!

COLLETTE: Well, a co-worker misunderstood me and thought that you were pregnant.

BRITNEY: Screw that.

COLLETTE: And I did supply the picture, but they digitally enhanced it to blow up your stomach! We needed the money. You know that Michael and I aren't that well-off.

BRITNEY: Screw that. If you needed money, you could have come to me, instead of selling my pictures!!!

COLLETTE: Britney, honey, I...

The phone goes dead. Britney files for divorce from Kevin.


(My endings aren't happy, but that's real life for you folks.)

Yours Truly, rancette at 6:59 AM PDT
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Monday, 20 September 2004
Rance and Britney get married!!
two hours before Britney's wedding to Kevin

BRITNEY: Rance, are you there?

RANCE: Just a sec. I'm chatting with Rancette.

BRITNEY: But this is urgent!

RANCE: What is it, Witty Britty?

BRITNEY: I don't want to marry Kevin.

RANCE: Why not?

BRITNEY: Cause he's (crying) so immature. He's such a druggie. He's such a freak! And I want to get married now. Couldn't we run off to Vegas?

RANCE: Naomi Watts has accepted my proposal according to Defamer, so I'm breaking up with all my online girlfriends.

BRITNEY: Who was that other b**** you're speaking to?

RANCE: Rancette. Listen, Brit, I'm just confirming the story with her. Oh, she's asking if I can give her the scoop when you get married.

BRITNEY: Scoop?! Why would you ever give her the scoop on me? We're pals, right? Are you using me?

RANCE: Well Britney, that one night in Vegas really was exciting for me. But I have to say that I don't believe there's any hope for us.

BRITNEY: But you said you loved me!

RANCE: I had just met you.

BRITNEY: But doesn't it seem like you've known me for much longer?

RANCE: You are a bit young for me. And it seems like you can never make up your mind about anything. Besides, Naomi Watts and I are in the same industry.

BRITNEY: But wait, I'm an actress too.


BRITNEY: Come on. Did you ever see Crossroads?

RANCE: I saw Austin Powers 3.

BRITNEY: Did you like my role?

RANCE: Do you mean your extended cameo? You, as a fembot? You call that acting?

BRITNEY: What does Naomi have that I don't? I mean, we're both blonde. We both act. But I have my own perfume. And I can sing. And I can dance. And I have my own girls camp...

RANCE: To which you never attend. Without betraying Naomi too much, you have to understand that she's a wonderful girl with so much to offer...

BRITNEY: Oh, I HATE you, Rance! My mom is going to be here in FIVE MINUTES to get me ready! She's bringing the gown. If you get here, we can speed off in your Dodge Viper and go to the nearest wedding chapel...

RANCE: Britney, I'm too old for you.

BRITNEY: That's ok. I believe in death do us part. Kinda. So maybe if I marry an old guy, he'll die and I can still marry one more person.

RANCE: Britney, at the rate you're going, I guess you'll be married at least 12 times.

BRITNEY: Wow, that's more than Liz Taylor.

RANCE: Yeah, but don't forget your first marriage.

BRITNEY: That doesn't really count.

RANCE: All the tabloids are counting it.

BRITNEY: Well, screw them.

RANCE: Come on, Brit. It's your whole attitude. Maybe if you had a sense of humor about the whole thing, I'd find that really attractive and could look past your 55 hour marriage.

BRITNEY: Mom's here, gotta go. If you get here before Kevin does, I'll marry you.





Thank you Queenie for the "scoop". A little commentary on the picture... an insider told me she was sticking out her tongue at Rance.

Yours Truly, rancette at 6:55 AM PDT
Updated: Thursday, 23 September 2004 6:13 PM PDT
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Sunday, 19 September 2004
This Past Friday
I didn't post on Friday, because I had a bunch of work to do. Plus I was too upset to post.

Through my agent, I got a chance to audition for this small role. Now, I had been asking my agent for a chance to audition for something... anything! I finally got the call. I was to audition in front of the casting agent and a couple other miscellaneous people involved in the selection process.

Let me tell you. Never again! I thought I was through with acting after Friday. I sucked so bad at the audition, it was not funny. I really liked the casting director and thought she was a great person. She had me do a cold reading and gave me pointers/direction. Then I read the script again.

My GOSH. This character was supposed to have an emotional scene. I am bad at getting emotional, because I like to try and contain my feelings and not yell. Anyway, not a good situation for me (not a good situation for someone who can't act, like me).

I felt so disappointed realizing that I really couldn't act. Even after taking acting classes years ago (maybe I was just rusty?).

Part of the reason I was excited to audition was because I thought that maybe I could really make it as an actress. And as we all know, it is more exciting to read the blog of an actor than a screenwriter.

No, I take that back. Rance hasn't been that exciting lately (his guest-bloggists have, just not him).

So, I came back feeling like absolute crap. However, I was thankful that I was a writer and was able to participate in this Hollywood scheme somehow. Maybe I won't win an Academy Award for acting, just writing a screenplay. Ha, ha, I am a long way off from that, but that is one of my goals (see Rance & Rancette Go to the Oscars).

I am working on a screenplay right now. Not sure if I will unveil the plot. But at least that is going well.

Yours Truly, rancette at 7:50 AM PDT
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Saturday, 18 September 2004
Speculation, speculation, speculation
Thanks to Annie for posting the link to Defamer's continued speculations about Rance.

They have kept track of all the Rance speculations so far. I couldn't tell if their interview with Rance was fake or not, but it seemed fake. Sorry, Agent Rancette still hasn't woken up yet, so when she does, maybe I'll be able to figure it out.

There was this one part of the interview though:

Q: What's your opinion of those "Respect Copyrights/Manny Perry Makes Movies" PSAs that run before movies?

A: Sexy, but not enough violence.

I was thinking that maybe they could make a PSA where these guys (or girls) are burning DVDs and selling them. Then some agents come in, flash their badges and gun them down with tommy-guns. How does that sound?

If the Defamer article was real, Rance claims to be married to Naomi Watts. That is really funny. If you look at my right eye on my picture

that is Naomi Watts' eye. And I created that picture over a week ago. Ooooh, spooky.

But in relation to actors being married to Naomi Watts, I think her most recent movie was We Don't Live Here Anymore. I haven't seen the movie, but Rance could be Mark Ruffalo, who plays her lover (long stretch, but I do like Mark Ruffalo and I would love to find out that he is Rance).

Or maybe they're talking about I Heart Huckabee's. Maybe Rance is Jude Law.

Or *gasp*, I know they weren't married, but what if Rance is Sean Penn, whose lover was Naomi Watts in 21 Grams.

Like I said, the Defamer interview might be a joke. But if it's not, this opens up a whole new can of worms...

Yours Truly, rancette at 9:36 AM PDT
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Thursday, 16 September 2004
8th post to Rance's site
Topic: Posts on Rance's Blog
OK, I am getting verrry close to my 10th post. They may have to up the minimum of posts or everyone will want to post 10X to get a link on Rance's site. This'll drive up his share price at (That's good, because I finally own one share in his blog).

In response to 9/16/04's post: "Pardon the Interruption Part 2 and a Half" by Bingo the Monkey

That was kinda cool. It was like Memento, 21 Grams, or Pulp Fiction. It was out of order and didn't make sense at first, until like the final paragraph. Very cool.


Yours Truly, rancette at 1:06 PM PDT
Updated: Thursday, 16 September 2004 1:06 PM PDT
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Wednesday, 15 September 2004
Rance & Rancette: Two Month Anniversary Edition
Topic: Rance & Rancette
It's been two months since I started my blog. As of today or very recently, my blog has become available for trading on

I'd like to thank all of you for joining me on this tumultuous journey. We've only just begun, but let me tell you I've had fun so far.

Without further ado, here's the next "Rance & Rancette."

chat transcript between Rance & Rancette.
time: about two-three weeks ago



Have you called the Wacky Wafers hotline yet?


RANCE: You know, if you're dying to be my "friend", you have to do what Rubber Duckie says.

RANCETTE: Oh, I am planning to call them.

RANCE: Really!?

RANCETTE: Of course. To tell them, I don't give a **** about Wacky Wafers and that it's good they discontinued them.

RANCE: That's really mean. I was going to tell you my identity, but not now.

RANCETTE: LMAO. Yeah riiight!!

RANCE: I was.

RANCETTE: From our previous conversations, I've eliminated a bunch of possibilities.

RANCE: Okay.

RANCETTE: I believe I've figured out who you are.


RANCETTE: I'll tell you if you promise you'll tell me if I'm right.

RANCE: Fair, enough. After all, you thought I was Marlon Brando at one point. You're off your rocker!!! MUHAHAHA!

RANCETTE: It's called suspense of disbelief, Rance.

RANCE: Ahahaaaa!

RANCETTE: Alright, you ready for my guess?

RANCE: Shoot.

RANCETTE: Owen Wilson.

RANCE: How did you arrive at that conclusion?

RANCETTE: Well I traced your server and it was registered under "Luke Wilson." Knowing that you share your house with your brother and that you're the writer of the family, I naturally assumed it was you. So tell me. Are you Owen Wilson?


RANCETTE: You are!?


RANCETTE: Prove it. Do you have a webcam?


RANCETTE: Great. Hook it up.

RANCE: You have a webcam, right?


RANCE: I will let you see my webcam only if you have one.


Rancette runs to [undisclosed electronics store].


Rancette hooks up her webcam.

RANCE: Ooh, pretty, pretty.

RANCETTE: Aren't you going to hook up yours now? I knew it. I've been had.

Rance hooks up his webcam. "Rance" is wearing a ski mask and is holding a DVD of "I Spy" in front of his face.

RANCETTE: Who are you really, Rance?

RANCE: I can't tell you. You guessed wrong.

Yours Truly, rancette at 6:25 AM PDT
Updated: Wednesday, 15 September 2004 6:27 AM PDT
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Tuesday, 14 September 2004
Today is catch up day
Let's test my alphabetical skills. I have alphabetized my links. I thought it might get confusing when you get to the "Rance-" section, because there are 4 or 5 people who have named themselves or their site after Rance. But I decided to alphabetize the links anyway.

Secondly, Ruber Duckie said that you have to post at least 10 times to Rance's site to be included on his links section. OK, I have posted 7 times, let's go for 10.

Thirdly, and lastly, I hope you all are in suspense. I have not forgotten my promise to post the new addition of Rance & Rancette tomorrow. It is ready for you to be posted, so be sure to check Wednesday morning. If you are keeping track of who Rance has already been in this series, you may be able to guess who he is this time, by process of elimination.

Take care, and I'll see you at school. Don't forget to go to Tad Bitter's class. See the link for Tad on the right.

Yours Truly, rancette at 7:09 AM PDT
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Monday, 13 September 2004
7th Post to Rance's Site
Topic: Posts on Rance's Blog

On Rance's site, a list has been posted by Rubber Duckie of those who can be guest bloggists. I am #13.

Here is my response:

"Dear Rubber Duckie,

Whoever said #13 was an unlucky number?! Thank you for including me on the list. When it is my turn, I will turn out something very special.

Much love,


The wheels are already turning in my head. And according to Rancelot, those wheels spin pretty fast (Rancelot, you're so sweet).

Being on Rance's front page should generate more interest in this blog (although I love my current readers). Maybe I'll even get my first death threat!

Notes from Rancette: Please don't give me a death threat, just because you think it would make me feel better. It might actually scare me.

Yours Truly, rancette at 3:58 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 14 September 2004 5:48 AM PDT
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Rance as a Googlism
When I first heard about, it was around the time I first heard about rance. So naturally, "Rance" was one of my very first searches. But it never occured to me to post the results from googlism onto my blog until I saw someone else post a result their googlism search (I think their keyword was zero).

(On another note, I never thought why I wanted to take over rance's blog if all I was going to do was talk about rance. Actually, that's why I thought I was so perfect for the position, at first. Anyway...)

Here are the results for: rance

rance is very cold and unforgiving with grace
rance is infatuated with minnie
rance is running from the center part to the north of brittany and discharges in the channel nearby st
rance is giving the nurses a hard time
rance is a writer and critic and the richmond review's reviews editor
rance is available for bookings at
rance is dealt a better hand of cards
rance is amazing by way of a digestible review is kinda like having mittens on your hands
rance is wounded in the exchange of gunfire
rance is the leading agricultural nation of western europe
rance is about to leave when a drop of blood from the ceiling falls on his hand
rance is improvised
rance is developing software that tracks environmental regulatory processes
rance is one of these singers singers who does not write or play an instrument let me put you right
rance is a delightful place to visit and sit zoom in
rance is so loud at night
rance is a past chairman of the canadian association of oilwell drilling contractors
rance is on the left following the framingham animal hospital on the right
rance is a third generation flyfishing guide who has been guiding for the past nine years in montana
rance is very knowledgeable about
rance is one determined entrepreneur
rance is the deposit of sediments in the estuary bed
rance is currently on
rance is killed
rance is holding out the hope that he can somehow make a visit to the california hot rod reunion
rance is a member of the towson university community
rance is the most powerful tidal power plant in the world
rance is as sympathetic as it is humorous
rance is a must
rance is very excited to be associated with motorsports marketing
rance is wary of genevieve as he feels that she had more to her than what one saw on the surface
rance is doggedly after him and in act ii traces him to minnie?s cabin
rance is the east
rance is one of the most beautiful rivers in brittany and one that will satisfy all the lovers of river tourism
rance is a jewish socialist with family and work associations in israel and a long track record campaigning for a principled peace between palestinians
rance is located in the southern portion of the hainaut province; its western border is shared with france
rance is being backed up against the wagon during his showdown with jesse james
rance is grappling with jesse in the middle of the room
rance is up to if they want to keep their perfect ocean sailing record
rance is a perfect example of a breton river
rance is quickly crossed and follow in the direction of the villages la richardais and le
rance is the daughter of linda rance of logansport
rance is only interested in making a test case out of the raw material before him
rance is 6 feet tall
rance is used to tennis greatness
rance is the associate editor of the manitoba co
rance is chairman of round
rance is the developer of the well sought after spread trader?s edge training system
rance is glad
rance is in bakersfield
rance is formed 2 syllables
rance is head of cultural services with southampton city council and has written a biography of hubert scott
rance is a career farm journalist with 21 years experience as a reporter for the brandon sun
rance is writing a book and is determined to accuse
rance is anything to go by
rance is prior to
rance is no exception to this rule
rance is not all that
rance is one of those repair geniuses
rance is a major creative force behind the new line platinum series dvd's
rance is 120 kilometers long
rance is the man to call with technical
rance is also editor
rance is naturally fragranced using essential oil from bitter orange leaf having refreshing
rance is a wealthy
rance is the secretary of forest and bird's southland branch
rance is senior lecturer in english at middlesex polytechnic and author of the historical novel and popular politics in nineteenth
rance is responsible for the ultimate bikes computer system
rance is listed as the publican in 1855
rance is in his first year of college
rance is the host
rance is determined to bring the criminal to rough justice
rance is at the
rance is a remarkable example of a medieval town completely preserved in its original form
rance is currently experimenting on monkeys
rance is developing a new helios ii satellite to upgrade its strategic reconnaissance capabilities
rance is an elegant
rance is a family that for three generations has dedicated itself to the art of beauty
rance is the number one travel destination on earth
rance is thankful for "getting married after graduating from
rance is currently completing her undergraduate degree in business management
rance is the attractive little town of dinan to which boats trips run
rance is ranked fourth in the world of capital exporters behind the united states
rance is the associate editor and one of seven founding partners of the farmers independent weekly

If you've gotten this far, here are my very favorites, in no particular order:

rance is no excuse
rance is suddenly back on the studio lot
rance is expected to continue
rance is really larry flynt posing as sigmund freud

Yours Truly, rancette at 6:26 AM PDT
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Sunday, 12 September 2004
Hit Me Kevin One More Time
Phone conversation between Britney and her Prince.

KEVIN: Yo, Brit.

BRITNEY: How's Vegas, baby?

KEVIN: It's hot.

BRITNEY: Kev, did you get my message on your cell?

KEVIN: Yes. All 12 of them.

BRITNEY: Oh, good, loverboy.

KEVIN: Brit...

BRITNEY: Kev, I wanna talk about the wedding.

KEVIN: So do I...

BRITNEY: I want to get married as soon as you get back. No frills, just a simple, romantic ceremony.

KEVIN: Brit, that's what you had last time. I want something elaborate. We should postpone it to December at least.

BRITNEY: Nuh uh. Justin and Cameron are getting married in December. Their big "white Christmas wedding." That is so lame. And I don't want a spooky Halloween wedding, so we have to get married ASAP.

KEVIN: Brit, why don't we have a Valentine's Day wedding? That would be so romantic.

BRITNEY: No, we have to get married before Justin and Cameron. I have to be first!

KEVIN: You already did get married before Justin, honey. Besides, this isn't a game. You don't have to get married before your ex. Calm down.

BRITNEY: I won't! Either get married to me, within a week or never.

KEVIN: Britney, I hope you'll be understanding with me when I tell you this...

BRITNEY: You didn't get Shar pregnant again, did you?

KEVIN: No...

BRITNEY: Then what could be so bad?

FEMALE VOICE: Honey? Honey!

BRITNEY (angry): Who is that HO in the background?!

KEVIN: Britney, it's my... wife.


KEVIN: I know. You know how I get when I smoke pot. I don't know what I'm doing.

BRITNEY: Kevin, I can't believe you did this!!

KEVIN: Yeah, well I did. It's going to take awhile for the divorce to come through.

BRITNEY: Why don't you get an annulment like I did?

KEVIN: Well, I never went to a Catholic school, so no priest will annul this marriage.

BRITNEY: I can't believe what a dope you were. Hold on, I have another call coming through...

MAN'S VOICE: Britney, I just heard what Kevin did to you!

BRITNEY: How did you hear Colin? I just heard the news.

COLIN FARRELL: Well, it's been on the news all day. I called you as soon as I heard. Is there still a chance that we...

BRITNEY: Hold on.

Britney switches back to Kevin.

BRITNEY: Kev? Listen I got to go. One of my previous one night stands just called me. I think I'm going to marry him instead. Tough luck loser. A backup dancer is all you're going to be.

Britney switches back to Colin, but the line is dead. Britney switches on the news.

MACHO ANCHORMAN: And in celebrity news, Paris Hilton wed today. You won't believe to who... Yes, that's right, Kevin Federline, one-time fiance of Britney Spears.

Britney Spears dials Justin's cell number.

BRITNEY: Justin, Justin. I'm begging you. Cameron doesn't mean anything to you, does she? We were truly meant to be together, weren't we?

JUSTIN: Ha, ha, Paris Hilton! Serves you right.

Britney throws the phone at the wall. It starts ringing several moments later.

MAN'S VOICE: Britney?

BRITNEY (tearfully): Yes?

MAN'S VOICE: I've always had a thing for you.


MAN'S VOICE: And now that we're both single, why don't we marry each other? We both know it will end in divorce, but both of our careers need a boost right now.

BRITNEY: Ben Affleck?

BEN: You got it babe.

Yours Truly, rancette at 6:19 AM PDT
Updated: Sunday, 12 September 2004 6:32 AM PDT
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