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Agent Rancette
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Sunday, 19 September 2004
This Past Friday
I didn't post on Friday, because I had a bunch of work to do. Plus I was too upset to post.

Through my agent, I got a chance to audition for this small role. Now, I had been asking my agent for a chance to audition for something... anything! I finally got the call. I was to audition in front of the casting agent and a couple other miscellaneous people involved in the selection process.

Let me tell you. Never again! I thought I was through with acting after Friday. I sucked so bad at the audition, it was not funny. I really liked the casting director and thought she was a great person. She had me do a cold reading and gave me pointers/direction. Then I read the script again.

My GOSH. This character was supposed to have an emotional scene. I am bad at getting emotional, because I like to try and contain my feelings and not yell. Anyway, not a good situation for me (not a good situation for someone who can't act, like me).

I felt so disappointed realizing that I really couldn't act. Even after taking acting classes years ago (maybe I was just rusty?).

Part of the reason I was excited to audition was because I thought that maybe I could really make it as an actress. And as we all know, it is more exciting to read the blog of an actor than a screenwriter.

No, I take that back. Rance hasn't been that exciting lately (his guest-bloggists have, just not him).

So, I came back feeling like absolute crap. However, I was thankful that I was a writer and was able to participate in this Hollywood scheme somehow. Maybe I won't win an Academy Award for acting, just writing a screenplay. Ha, ha, I am a long way off from that, but that is one of my goals (see Rance & Rancette Go to the Oscars).

I am working on a screenplay right now. Not sure if I will unveil the plot. But at least that is going well.

Yours Truly, rancette at 7:50 AM PDT
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Saturday, 18 September 2004
Speculation, speculation, speculation
Thanks to Annie for posting the link to Defamer's continued speculations about Rance.

They have kept track of all the Rance speculations so far. I couldn't tell if their interview with Rance was fake or not, but it seemed fake. Sorry, Agent Rancette still hasn't woken up yet, so when she does, maybe I'll be able to figure it out.

There was this one part of the interview though:

Q: What's your opinion of those "Respect Copyrights/Manny Perry Makes Movies" PSAs that run before movies?

A: Sexy, but not enough violence.

I was thinking that maybe they could make a PSA where these guys (or girls) are burning DVDs and selling them. Then some agents come in, flash their badges and gun them down with tommy-guns. How does that sound?

If the Defamer article was real, Rance claims to be married to Naomi Watts. That is really funny. If you look at my right eye on my picture



that is Naomi Watts' eye. And I created that picture over a week ago. Ooooh, spooky.

But in relation to actors being married to Naomi Watts, I think her most recent movie was We Don't Live Here Anymore. I haven't seen the movie, but Rance could be Mark Ruffalo, who plays her lover (long stretch, but I do like Mark Ruffalo and I would love to find out that he is Rance).

Or maybe they're talking about I Heart Huckabee's. Maybe Rance is Jude Law.

Or *gasp*, I know they weren't married, but what if Rance is Sean Penn, whose lover was Naomi Watts in 21 Grams.

Like I said, the Defamer interview might be a joke. But if it's not, this opens up a whole new can of worms...

Yours Truly, rancette at 9:36 AM PDT
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Thursday, 16 September 2004
8th post to Rance's site
Topic: Posts on Rance's Blog
OK, I am getting verrry close to my 10th post. They may have to up the minimum of posts or everyone will want to post 10X to get a link on Rance's site. This'll drive up his share price at blogshares.com (That's good, because I finally own one share in his blog).

In response to 9/16/04's post: "Pardon the Interruption Part 2 and a Half" by Bingo the Monkey

That was kinda cool. It was like Memento, 21 Grams, or Pulp Fiction. It was out of order and didn't make sense at first, until like the final paragraph. Very cool.

-Rancette

Yours Truly, rancette at 1:06 PM PDT
Updated: Thursday, 16 September 2004 1:06 PM PDT
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Wednesday, 15 September 2004
Rance & Rancette: Two Month Anniversary Edition
Topic: Rance & Rancette
It's been two months since I started my blog. As of today or very recently, my blog has become available for trading on blogshares.com.

I'd like to thank all of you for joining me on this tumultuous journey. We've only just begun, but let me tell you I've had fun so far.

Without further ado, here's the next "Rance & Rancette."


chat transcript between Rance & Rancette.
time: about two-three weeks ago

RANCE:
Hi.

RANCETTE:
Hi.

RANCE:
Have you called the Wacky Wafers hotline yet?

RANCETTE:
No.

RANCE: You know, if you're dying to be my "friend", you have to do what Rubber Duckie says.

RANCETTE: Oh, I am planning to call them.

RANCE: Really!?

RANCETTE: Of course. To tell them, I don't give a **** about Wacky Wafers and that it's good they discontinued them.

RANCE: That's really mean. I was going to tell you my identity, but not now.

RANCETTE: LMAO. Yeah riiight!!

RANCE: I was.

RANCETTE: From our previous conversations, I've eliminated a bunch of possibilities.

RANCE: Okay.

RANCETTE: I believe I've figured out who you are.

RANCE: Who?

RANCETTE: I'll tell you if you promise you'll tell me if I'm right.

RANCE: Fair, enough. After all, you thought I was Marlon Brando at one point. You're off your rocker!!! MUHAHAHA!

RANCETTE: It's called suspense of disbelief, Rance.

RANCE: Ahahaaaa!

RANCETTE: Alright, you ready for my guess?

RANCE: Shoot.

RANCETTE: Owen Wilson.

RANCE: How did you arrive at that conclusion?

RANCETTE: Well I traced your server and it was registered under "Luke Wilson." Knowing that you share your house with your brother and that you're the writer of the family, I naturally assumed it was you. So tell me. Are you Owen Wilson?

RANCE: Yes.

RANCETTE: You are!?

RANCE: Yes.

RANCETTE: Prove it. Do you have a webcam?

RANCE: Yes.

RANCETTE: Great. Hook it up.

RANCE: You have a webcam, right?

RANCETTE: No...

RANCE: I will let you see my webcam only if you have one.

RANCETTE: OK. BRB.

Rancette runs to [undisclosed electronics store].

RANCETTE: Back.

Rancette hooks up her webcam.

RANCE: Ooh, pretty, pretty.

RANCETTE: Aren't you going to hook up yours now? I knew it. I've been had.

Rance hooks up his webcam. "Rance" is wearing a ski mask and is holding a DVD of "I Spy" in front of his face.

RANCETTE: Who are you really, Rance?

RANCE: I can't tell you. You guessed wrong.

Yours Truly, rancette at 6:25 AM PDT
Updated: Wednesday, 15 September 2004 6:27 AM PDT
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Tuesday, 14 September 2004
Today is catch up day
Let's test my alphabetical skills. I have alphabetized my links. I thought it might get confusing when you get to the "Rance-" section, because there are 4 or 5 people who have named themselves or their site after Rance. But I decided to alphabetize the links anyway.

Secondly, Ruber Duckie said that you have to post at least 10 times to Rance's site to be included on his links section. OK, I have posted 7 times, let's go for 10.

Thirdly, and lastly, I hope you all are in suspense. I have not forgotten my promise to post the new addition of Rance & Rancette tomorrow. It is ready for you to be posted, so be sure to check Wednesday morning. If you are keeping track of who Rance has already been in this series, you may be able to guess who he is this time, by process of elimination.

Take care, and I'll see you at school. Don't forget to go to Tad Bitter's class. See the link for Tad on the right.

Yours Truly, rancette at 7:09 AM PDT
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Monday, 13 September 2004
7th Post to Rance's Site
Topic: Posts on Rance's Blog
9/13/04 BREAKING NEWS!

On Rance's site, a list has been posted by Rubber Duckie of those who can be guest bloggists. I am #13.

Here is my response:

"Dear Rubber Duckie,

Whoever said #13 was an unlucky number?! Thank you for including me on the list. When it is my turn, I will turn out something very special.

Much love,

Rancette"

The wheels are already turning in my head. And according to Rancelot, those wheels spin pretty fast (Rancelot, you're so sweet).

Being on Rance's front page should generate more interest in this blog (although I love my current readers). Maybe I'll even get my first death threat!

Notes from Rancette: Please don't give me a death threat, just because you think it would make me feel better. It might actually scare me.

Yours Truly, rancette at 3:58 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 14 September 2004 5:48 AM PDT
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Rance as a Googlism
When I first heard about googlism.com, it was around the time I first heard about rance. So naturally, "Rance" was one of my very first searches. But it never occured to me to post the results from googlism onto my blog until I saw someone else post a result their googlism search (I think their keyword was zero).

(On another note, I never thought why I wanted to take over rance's blog if all I was going to do was talk about rance. Actually, that's why I thought I was so perfect for the position, at first. Anyway...)

Here are the results for: rance

rance is very cold and unforgiving with grace
rance is infatuated with minnie
rance is running from the center part to the north of brittany and discharges in the channel nearby st
rance is giving the nurses a hard time
rance is a writer and critic and the richmond review's reviews editor
rance is available for bookings at
rance is dealt a better hand of cards
rance is amazing by way of a digestible review is kinda like having mittens on your hands
rance is wounded in the exchange of gunfire
rance is the leading agricultural nation of western europe
rance is about to leave when a drop of blood from the ceiling falls on his hand
rance is improvised
rance is developing software that tracks environmental regulatory processes
rance is one of these singers singers who does not write or play an instrument let me put you right
rance is a delightful place to visit and sit zoom in
rance is so loud at night
rance is a past chairman of the canadian association of oilwell drilling contractors
rance is on the left following the framingham animal hospital on the right
rance is a third generation flyfishing guide who has been guiding for the past nine years in montana
rance is very knowledgeable about
rance is one determined entrepreneur
rance is the deposit of sediments in the estuary bed
rance is currently on
rance is killed
rance is holding out the hope that he can somehow make a visit to the california hot rod reunion
rance is a member of the towson university community
rance is the most powerful tidal power plant in the world
rance is as sympathetic as it is humorous
rance is a must
rance is very excited to be associated with motorsports marketing
rance is wary of genevieve as he feels that she had more to her than what one saw on the surface
rance is doggedly after him and in act ii traces him to minnie?s cabin
rance is the east
rance is one of the most beautiful rivers in brittany and one that will satisfy all the lovers of river tourism
rance is a jewish socialist with family and work associations in israel and a long track record campaigning for a principled peace between palestinians
rance is located in the southern portion of the hainaut province; its western border is shared with france
rance is being backed up against the wagon during his showdown with jesse james
rance is grappling with jesse in the middle of the room
rance is up to if they want to keep their perfect ocean sailing record
rance is a perfect example of a breton river
rance is quickly crossed and follow in the direction of the villages la richardais and le
rance is the daughter of linda rance of logansport
rance is only interested in making a test case out of the raw material before him
rance is 6 feet tall
rance is used to tennis greatness
rance is the associate editor of the manitoba co
rance is chairman of round
rance is the developer of the well sought after spread trader?s edge training system
rance is glad
rance is in bakersfield
rance is formed 2 syllables
rance is head of cultural services with southampton city council and has written a biography of hubert scott
rance is a career farm journalist with 21 years experience as a reporter for the brandon sun
rance is writing a book and is determined to accuse
rance is anything to go by
rance is prior to
rance is no exception to this rule
rance is not all that
rance is one of those repair geniuses
rance is a major creative force behind the new line platinum series dvd's
rance is 120 kilometers long
rance is the man to call with technical
rance is also editor
rance is naturally fragranced using essential oil from bitter orange leaf having refreshing
rance is a wealthy
rance is the secretary of forest and bird's southland branch
rance is senior lecturer in english at middlesex polytechnic and author of the historical novel and popular politics in nineteenth
rance is responsible for the ultimate bikes computer system
rance is listed as the publican in 1855
rance is in his first year of college
rance is the host
rance is determined to bring the criminal to rough justice
rance is at the
rance is a remarkable example of a medieval town completely preserved in its original form
rance is currently experimenting on monkeys
rance is developing a new helios ii satellite to upgrade its strategic reconnaissance capabilities
rance is an elegant
rance is a family that for three generations has dedicated itself to the art of beauty
rance is the number one travel destination on earth
rance is thankful for "getting married after graduating from
rance is currently completing her undergraduate degree in business management
rance is the attractive little town of dinan to which boats trips run
rance is ranked fourth in the world of capital exporters behind the united states
rance is the associate editor and one of seven founding partners of the farmers independent weekly



If you've gotten this far, here are my very favorites, in no particular order:

rance is no excuse
rance is suddenly back on the studio lot
rance is expected to continue
rance is really larry flynt posing as sigmund freud

Yours Truly, rancette at 6:26 AM PDT
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Sunday, 12 September 2004
Hit Me Kevin One More Time
Phone conversation between Britney and her Prince.

KEVIN: Yo, Brit.

BRITNEY: How's Vegas, baby?

KEVIN: It's hot.

BRITNEY: Kev, did you get my message on your cell?

KEVIN: Yes. All 12 of them.

BRITNEY: Oh, good, loverboy.

KEVIN: Brit...

BRITNEY: Kev, I wanna talk about the wedding.

KEVIN: So do I...

BRITNEY: I want to get married as soon as you get back. No frills, just a simple, romantic ceremony.

KEVIN: Brit, that's what you had last time. I want something elaborate. We should postpone it to December at least.

BRITNEY: Nuh uh. Justin and Cameron are getting married in December. Their big "white Christmas wedding." That is so lame. And I don't want a spooky Halloween wedding, so we have to get married ASAP.

KEVIN: Brit, why don't we have a Valentine's Day wedding? That would be so romantic.

BRITNEY: No, we have to get married before Justin and Cameron. I have to be first!

KEVIN: You already did get married before Justin, honey. Besides, this isn't a game. You don't have to get married before your ex. Calm down.

BRITNEY: I won't! Either get married to me, within a week or never.

KEVIN: Britney, I hope you'll be understanding with me when I tell you this...

BRITNEY: You didn't get Shar pregnant again, did you?

KEVIN: No...

BRITNEY: Then what could be so bad?

FEMALE VOICE: Honey? Honey!

BRITNEY (angry): Who is that HO in the background?!

KEVIN: Britney, it's my... wife.

BRITNEY: WHATYOUM#&*(F@*$&!?!?!

KEVIN: I know. You know how I get when I smoke pot. I don't know what I'm doing.

BRITNEY: Kevin, I can't believe you did this!!

KEVIN: Yeah, well I did. It's going to take awhile for the divorce to come through.

BRITNEY: Why don't you get an annulment like I did?

KEVIN: Well, I never went to a Catholic school, so no priest will annul this marriage.

BRITNEY: I can't believe what a dope you were. Hold on, I have another call coming through...

MAN'S VOICE: Britney, I just heard what Kevin did to you!

BRITNEY: How did you hear Colin? I just heard the news.

COLIN FARRELL: Well, it's been on the news all day. I called you as soon as I heard. Is there still a chance that we...

BRITNEY: Hold on.

Britney switches back to Kevin.

BRITNEY: Kev? Listen I got to go. One of my previous one night stands just called me. I think I'm going to marry him instead. Tough luck loser. A backup dancer is all you're going to be.

Britney switches back to Colin, but the line is dead. Britney switches on the news.

MACHO ANCHORMAN: And in celebrity news, Paris Hilton wed today. You won't believe to who... Yes, that's right, Kevin Federline, one-time fiance of Britney Spears.

Britney Spears dials Justin's cell number.

BRITNEY: Justin, Justin. I'm begging you. Cameron doesn't mean anything to you, does she? We were truly meant to be together, weren't we?

JUSTIN: Ha, ha, Paris Hilton! Serves you right.

Britney throws the phone at the wall. It starts ringing several moments later.

MAN'S VOICE: Britney?

BRITNEY (tearfully): Yes?

MAN'S VOICE: I've always had a thing for you.

BRITNEY: Yes?

MAN'S VOICE: And now that we're both single, why don't we marry each other? We both know it will end in divorce, but both of our careers need a boost right now.

BRITNEY: Ben Affleck?

BEN: You got it babe.

Yours Truly, rancette at 6:19 AM PDT
Updated: Sunday, 12 September 2004 6:32 AM PDT
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Saturday, 11 September 2004
Top Ten Reasons Not to have an Administrative Staff
10. They eat all the donuts and orange juice in the house.

9. They decide when to post.

8. They might sell the password to pay for tuition.

7. They might think they have a right to choose the new Rance.

6. They are an excuse for you to not post.

5. They increase the water bill.

4. They want to be in on the book deal.

3. They can make you look bad if they're unhappy.

2. They might be a figment of your imagination.

And the number one reason not to have an administrative staff:

They hold you for "rance"-som in the basement of your house.



Listed on BlogShares

Yours Truly, rancette at 7:05 AM PDT
Updated: Saturday, 11 September 2004 9:35 AM PDT
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Friday, 10 September 2004
Taking a Break Today
Today is so relaxing. I'm taking a well-deserved break. Yes, I have been writing a little. But I really feel deluged with stuff lately. I need to breathe.

Do not think I am retiring my blog (second time this issue has come up). And I really don't have time for two blogs, but I discovered this new community. And you have to login to view others' blogs, I think. So I had to sign up. And I organized my new blog since I wasn't doing anything today.

Who do I have to thank for that? Waxwing! I finally found the link to the wax-blog. Well, I had to ask, but waxwing told me.

I also told waxwing about the fake wax-blog. In my search for the wax-blog, I found another person who goes by the name of waxwing. It is truly bizarre. Even more bizarre when I posted on that site, thinking he was the real waxwing (see the 8/25/04 post on that site).

I like Rancelot's idea about Kevin pulling a Britney on Britney. Might do that on Sunday. But for tomorrow I have planned:

"Top Ten Reasons Not to have an Administrative Staff"

I would submit the list to the David Letterman show, but I don't think they know who Rance is, much less his A.S.

Yours Truly, rancette at 10:57 AM PDT
Updated: Friday, 10 September 2004 11:06 AM PDT
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AGENT RANCETTE, Episode One Continued
Notes from Rancette (sorry still no administrative staff):

Annie, I would be HONORED if you linked your site to mine. I linked to your site and that has been a long time coming. I've been thinking about doing that all week.

Foreign films are much better than American films. Yes, I like Ringu better than Ring. No comparison. So tell me Ranceline, what made Ring stand out more than Ringu? Well, I happened to see Ringu first, so maybe I'm biased.

I actually checked out Rubber Duckie's blog. The posts on her own blog are much more interesting than her posts on rance's. Even though I wish rance had some decent posting, I will admit that at least now I know what the big RDD deal is all about.

And now back to our regular programming...

RANCETTE: Well, I don't think you should marry him.

BRITNEY: WHY NOT!?

RANCETTE: On March 21, 1978, Kevin Federline was born to...

BRITNEY: I know this already!

RANCETTE: No, you don't. I know you're in a hurry to go shopping with Kori, your future step-daughter, but let me give you all the details I found. After all, you have spent $42,000 on my services and twice that much on your engagement ring. You might listen to everything I've found.

BRITNEY: How did you know I paid for my engagement ring? You are really good.

RANCETTE: Kevin Earl Federline was born...

BRITNEY: His middle name is Earl?! Oh my gosh!

RANCETTE: Do you have a problem with his middle name?

BRITNEY: What are you talking about!? It is the cutest name ever.

RANCETTE: Cuter than Kevin?

BRITNEY: Come on, read the rest of the report.

RANCETTE: Kevin's dad's name is Michael and his step-mother is Collette...

BRITNEY: I know. His parents HATE me!

RANCETTE: When he was eight years old, his parents left him home alone by himself, while they went on a romantic getaway to France.

BRITNEY: That's child abuse!

RANCETTE: Actually, it was a mistake. But yes, it caused him severe mental damage. In the time they were away, Kevin broke into the family cookie jar and bought his first Michael Jackson album. Making up dance moves of his own and copying some of Michael's from watching MTV for the first time, Kevin decided he wanted to become a dancer.

BRITNEY: Are you sure this isn't my bio you're reading?

RANCETTE: In high school, he had a serious relationship with Felicia Cabiero for three years. They broke up after she found out Kevin cheated on her.

BRITNEY: This can't be true! Kevin doesn't cheat on people.

Rancette hands Britney photo copies of letters.

RANCETTE: Felicia sold these letters to the press after his engagement to you.

BRITNEY: That ho!

RANCETTE: You really ought to have pity on her. She's a Hooter's waitress and doesn't make that much money. What they paid her wasn't even enough for her to retire. You should pay attention to his spelling. That is enough for you to dump him right there.

BRITNEY: These letters are fake.

RANCETTE: You can think whatever you want. He also dated a certain "Amy Woody" for awhile. She said he made her feel like "the only one in the world". Later Kevin dumped her to pursue his career as a dancer.

BRITNEY: So go on...

RANCETTE: In 1999, when you hit the scene, Kevin made fun of your music with his friends. When you started making lots of money, he pledged to marry you and divorce you when someone better came along. He started making plans of what he'd do with one half of your money.

BRITNEY: I don't believe you.

RANCETTE: He decided to be part of your opening act in the year 2000 and succeeded. Brokenhearted that you were with Justin Timberlake...

BRITNEY: Oh yeah, that jerk!

RANCETTE: ...he got his girlfriend, Shar Jackson, pregnant just over a year later. They had a child in 2002. By that time, Kevin worked his way up to being a backup dancer for Justin Timberlake. This was all in Kevin's plot for him to meet you. He did meet you again, backstage at the 2002 VMAs.

BRITNEY: I wish we had hooked up then.

RANCETTE: Britney, not yet realizing that Kevin was her soulmate, brushed him aside. Trying to keep Shar satisfied, Kevin had a second child with her, born July, 2004.

BRITNEY: I don't know why she decided to have another baby with him.

RANCETTE: She was trying to keep him. And you can't keep a man like Kevin. I also had the opportunity to speak with Shar Jackson and she recognized what you had in common.

BRITNEY: What did she say?

Rancette pulls out a taperecorder.

SHAR'S VOICE: "You both smoke, you both drink and you both cheated on significant others after three years."

BRITNEY: That is so right on the money!

RANCETTE: I don't think she was being complimentary.

BRITNEY: What are you saying?

RANCETTE: If you have children with this man, the patterns show he would leave you when you are three-months pregnant with your second child.

BRITNEY: I'm sorry, there are no patterns with Kevin. He only did this once. I can't believe you are saying this. Kevin would never do that to me! I'm Britney Spears.

RANCETTE: How many times does someone need to cheat on someone else before it shows there is a pattern?

BRITNEY: You are just jealous. Give me my money back!

RANCETTE: I have the feeling that this is the ending of a beautiful friendship.

THE END



BIBLIOGRAPHY

Spears warned her new man is a heartbreaker

Warning from Britney's Lover's Ex

Yours Truly, rancette at 5:59 AM PDT
Updated: Friday, 10 September 2004 6:10 AM PDT
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Thursday, 9 September 2004
6th post to Rance's site
Topic: Posts on Rance's Blog
I posted to Rance's site this morning:

"I haven't been posting my comments on this site lately, out of protest to rance not posting. But I do have something to say.

The title of this morning's post was "A Comment From Rubber Duckie Rance will answer".

I read the whole post, but where is the part where Rance posts?"

Yours Truly, rancette at 7:19 AM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 14 September 2004 7:13 AM PDT
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AGENT RANCETTE, Episode One: Kevin Crosses the (Feder) Line
Topic: Agent Rancette
RANCETTE (V.O.): I had been open for business three days, when my first customer walked through the door. She was a trashy blonde and wasn't wearing a bra. The sight was hard to see.

BLONDE: Are you Agent Rancette?

RANCETTE: Yes, I am.

BLONDE: What kind of agent are you?

RANCETTE: I'm more like a private eye. Like the one in the MALTESE FALCON.

BLONDE: Oh, I've never seen that one. How much is your fee?

RANCETTE: Three thousand per day, plus expenses.

BLONDE: Oh wow, that's cheap. Are you sure you can find him for that?

RANCETTE: Find who?

BLONDE: Well, not exactly find him. I know where he is.

RANCETTE: I see. You want me to trail him. You think he's unfaithful?

BLONDE: OH NO! Kevin would NEVER be unfaithful. We made a preliminary VOW!

RANCETTE: Then what do you want me to do?

BLONDE: I just want some background information on Kevin before we get married. So I know what we're getting into.

RANCETTE: Sure. Kevin, who?

BLONDE: My fiance.

RANCETTE: I know. You already said he was your fiance. What is his last name?

BLONDE: Federline.

RANCETTE: Oh, is he that football player?

BLONDE: No, he's a dancer.

RANCETTE: Like at a strip club?

BLONDE: No, silly. He's my back-up dancer. You know who I am right?

RANCETTE: Refresh my memory. Did we go to school together?

BLONDE: I'm BRITNEY SPEARS!

RANCETTE: Oh. No, I'm sorry, I don't work for celebrities.

BRITNEY: Please, PLEASE! I must have YOU.

RANCETTE: Why?

BRITNEY: Because you're the only female private eye in town.

RANCETTE: Ahh. Well, okay. I must have thirteen thousand up front, though. After the check clears, I'll get to work on the case.

Britney opens her suitcase and pulls out some money. She hands Rancette thirteen thousand in cash.

BRITNEY: I brought some money just in case you wanted payment up front.

TWO WEEKS LATER

BRITNEY: So what is the verdict your honor?

RANCETTE: Well, I don't think you should marry him.

BRITNEY: WHY NOT!?

TO BE CONTINUED AFTER THE COMMERCIAL BREAK...

Yours Truly, rancette at 3:36 AM PDT
Updated: Thursday, 9 September 2004 4:47 AM PDT
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Monday, 6 September 2004
Labor Day & China
When I was a kid, I used to get Labor Day & Memorial Day confused. I knew one of them was in September and the other one was in May. I didn't so much concentrate on what the holidays were about, so much as when they were. I never got it straight until college, maybe.

So not wearing white before Easter, and not wearing it after Labor Day? I think that is the saying. I don't really pay attention anyway. I wear white when I want and black when I want. And if it's a fashion foux pas (spelling?) who the heck cares? At least I don't.

So I think I mentioned I was talking to a musician. It didn't work out with him. I think he was only trying to be nice to me, and we haven't talked for awhile.

So I met this new guy on Thursday, in person. And I originally met him on the Internet, because that's where I look for people sometimes. It turns out he's really nice, but... engaged. Now why would you put an ad on a personals site if you're engaged?

Beats me. He piqued my interest (yes I contacted him first), because he has been in China for the last couple years. And I wanted to hear about his experiences. Nothing really exciting so far, except his fiancee is Chinese and is coming to the USA in a couple months.

So we are going to be friends until she comes and uh, by that I mean simply friends. Really.

Yours Truly, rancette at 5:23 AM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 14 September 2004 7:27 AM PDT
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Sunday, 5 September 2004
Rance in the Music
Dear cyber-readers,

Thank you for joining me this Labor Day weekend. I have actually been slammed with work. So much for some time off! I've been concentrating so much on work that I haven't had much time to think about Rance. As if!


I found this great Liz Phair quote. She and Rance must go way back:

"They say he's famous, but no one can prove it."

And then I did a search for songs with the word famous. And this one by Fifteen fit rance too:

"I wanna be famous and have my face on TV
I want all my old friends to hate me
I don't wanna be able to walk down the street
In this town I won't be around
And you can read all about my life on the newspaper stand
My agent says you can't call me back but you understand
Hey now I'm famous and it really sucks
Hey now I'm famous can you lend me five bucks
Hey now I'm famous when will this all end
Hey now I'm famous and I need a friend"

Yours Truly, rancette at 7:07 AM PDT
Updated: Sunday, 5 September 2004 7:35 AM PDT
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