Phone conversation between Britney and her Prince.
KEVIN: Yo, Brit.
BRITNEY: How's Vegas, baby?
KEVIN: It's hot.
BRITNEY: Kev, did you get my message on your cell?
KEVIN: Yes. All 12 of them.
BRITNEY: Oh, good, loverboy.
BRITNEY: Kev, I wanna talk about the wedding.
KEVIN: So do I...
BRITNEY: I want to get married as soon as you get back. No frills, just a simple, romantic ceremony.
KEVIN: Brit, that's what you had last time. I want something elaborate. We should postpone it to December at least.
BRITNEY: Nuh uh. Justin and Cameron are getting married in December. Their big "white Christmas wedding." That is so lame. And I don't want a spooky Halloween wedding, so we have to get married ASAP.
KEVIN: Brit, why don't we have a Valentine's Day wedding? That would be so romantic.
BRITNEY: No, we have to get married before Justin and Cameron. I have to be first!
KEVIN: You already did get married before Justin, honey. Besides, this isn't a game. You don't have to get married before your ex. Calm down.
BRITNEY: I won't! Either get married to me, within a week or never.
KEVIN: Britney, I hope you'll be understanding with me when I tell you this...
BRITNEY: You didn't get Shar pregnant again, did you?
BRITNEY: Then what could be so bad?
FEMALE VOICE: Honey? Honey!
BRITNEY (angry): Who is that HO in the background?!
KEVIN: Britney, it's my... wife.
KEVIN: I know. You know how I get when I smoke pot. I don't know what I'm doing.
BRITNEY: Kevin, I can't believe you did this!!
KEVIN: Yeah, well I did. It's going to take awhile for the divorce to come through.
BRITNEY: Why don't you get an annulment like I did?
KEVIN: Well, I never went to a Catholic school, so no priest will annul this marriage.
BRITNEY: I can't believe what a dope you were. Hold on, I have another call coming through...
MAN'S VOICE: Britney, I just heard what Kevin did to you!
BRITNEY: How did you hear Colin? I just heard the news.
COLIN FARRELL: Well, it's been on the news all day. I called you as soon as I heard. Is there still a chance that we...
BRITNEY: Hold on.
Britney switches back to Kevin.
BRITNEY: Kev? Listen I got to go. One of my previous one night stands just called me. I think I'm going to marry him instead. Tough luck loser. A backup dancer is all you're going to be.
Britney switches back to Colin, but the line is dead. Britney switches on the news.
MACHO ANCHORMAN: And in celebrity news, Paris Hilton wed today. You won't believe to who... Yes, that's right, Kevin Federline, one-time fiance of Britney Spears.
Britney Spears dials Justin's cell number.
BRITNEY: Justin, Justin. I'm begging you. Cameron doesn't mean anything to you, does she? We were truly meant to be together, weren't we?
JUSTIN: Ha, ha, Paris Hilton! Serves you right.
Britney throws the phone at the wall. It starts ringing several moments later.
MAN'S VOICE: Britney?
BRITNEY (tearfully): Yes?
MAN'S VOICE: I've always had a thing for you.
MAN'S VOICE: And now that we're both single, why don't we marry each other? We both know it will end in divorce, but both of our careers need a boost right now.
BRITNEY: Ben Affleck?
BEN: You got it babe.