Hit Me Kevin One More Time
Phone conversation between Britney and her Prince.

KEVIN: Yo, Brit.

BRITNEY: How's Vegas, baby?

KEVIN: It's hot.

BRITNEY: Kev, did you get my message on your cell?

KEVIN: Yes. All 12 of them.

BRITNEY: Oh, good, loverboy.

KEVIN: Brit...

BRITNEY: Kev, I wanna talk about the wedding.

KEVIN: So do I...

BRITNEY: I want to get married as soon as you get back. No frills, just a simple, romantic ceremony.

KEVIN: Brit, that's what you had last time. I want something elaborate. We should postpone it to December at least.

BRITNEY: Nuh uh. Justin and Cameron are getting married in December. Their big "white Christmas wedding." That is so lame. And I don't want a spooky Halloween wedding, so we have to get married ASAP.

KEVIN: Brit, why don't we have a Valentine's Day wedding? That would be so romantic.

BRITNEY: No, we have to get married before Justin and Cameron. I have to be first!

KEVIN: You already did get married before Justin, honey. Besides, this isn't a game. You don't have to get married before your ex. Calm down.

BRITNEY: I won't! Either get married to me, within a week or never.

KEVIN: Britney, I hope you'll be understanding with me when I tell you this...

BRITNEY: You didn't get Shar pregnant again, did you?

KEVIN: No...

BRITNEY: Then what could be so bad?

FEMALE VOICE: Honey? Honey!

BRITNEY (angry): Who is that HO in the background?!

KEVIN: Britney, it's my... wife.

BRITNEY: WHATYOUM#&*(F@*$&!?!?!

KEVIN: I know. You know how I get when I smoke pot. I don't know what I'm doing.

BRITNEY: Kevin, I can't believe you did this!!

KEVIN: Yeah, well I did. It's going to take awhile for the divorce to come through.

BRITNEY: Why don't you get an annulment like I did?

KEVIN: Well, I never went to a Catholic school, so no priest will annul this marriage.

BRITNEY: I can't believe what a dope you were. Hold on, I have another call coming through...

MAN'S VOICE: Britney, I just heard what Kevin did to you!

BRITNEY: How did you hear Colin? I just heard the news.

COLIN FARRELL: Well, it's been on the news all day. I called you as soon as I heard. Is there still a chance that we...

BRITNEY: Hold on.

Britney switches back to Kevin.

BRITNEY: Kev? Listen I got to go. One of my previous one night stands just called me. I think I'm going to marry him instead. Tough luck loser. A backup dancer is all you're going to be.

Britney switches back to Colin, but the line is dead. Britney switches on the news.

MACHO ANCHORMAN: And in celebrity news, Paris Hilton wed today. You won't believe to who... Yes, that's right, Kevin Federline, one-time fiance of Britney Spears.

Britney Spears dials Justin's cell number.

BRITNEY: Justin, Justin. I'm begging you. Cameron doesn't mean anything to you, does she? We were truly meant to be together, weren't we?

JUSTIN: Ha, ha, Paris Hilton! Serves you right.

Britney throws the phone at the wall. It starts ringing several moments later.

MAN'S VOICE: Britney?

BRITNEY (tearfully): Yes?

MAN'S VOICE: I've always had a thing for you.

BRITNEY: Yes?

MAN'S VOICE: And now that we're both single, why don't we marry each other? We both know it will end in divorce, but both of our careers need a boost right now.

BRITNEY: Ben Affleck?

BEN: You got it babe.

Top Ten Reasons Not to have an Administrative Staff
10. They eat all the donuts and orange juice in the house.

9. They decide when to post.

8. They might sell the password to pay for tuition.

7. They might think they have a right to choose the new Rance.

6. They are an excuse for you to not post.

5. They increase the water bill.

4. They want to be in on the book deal.

3. They can make you look bad if they're unhappy.

2. They might be a figment of your imagination.

And the number one reason not to have an administrative staff:

They hold you for "rance"-som in the basement of your house.

Taking a Break Today
Today is so relaxing. I'm taking a well-deserved break. Yes, I have been writing a little. But I really feel deluged with stuff lately. I need to breathe.

Do not think I am retiring my blog (second time this issue has come up). And I really don't have time for two blogs, but I discovered this new community. And you have to login to view others' blogs, I think. So I had to sign up. And I organized my new blog since I wasn't doing anything today.

Who do I have to thank for that? Waxwing! I finally found the link to the wax-blog. Well, I had to ask, but waxwing told me.

I also told waxwing about the fake wax-blog. In my search for the wax-blog, I found another person who goes by the name of waxwing. It is truly bizarre. Even more bizarre when I posted on that site, thinking he was the real waxwing (see the 8/25/04 post on that site).

I like Rancelot's idea about Kevin pulling a Britney on Britney. Might do that on Sunday. But for tomorrow I have planned:

"Top Ten Reasons Not to have an Administrative Staff"

I would submit the list to the David Letterman show, but I don't think they know who Rance is, much less his A.S.

AGENT RANCETTE, Episode One Continued
Notes from Rancette (sorry still no administrative staff):

Annie, I would be HONORED if you linked your site to mine. I linked to your site and that has been a long time coming. I've been thinking about doing that all week.

Foreign films are much better than American films. Yes, I like Ringu better than Ring. No comparison. So tell me Ranceline, what made Ring stand out more than Ringu? Well, I happened to see Ringu first, so maybe I'm biased.

I actually checked out Rubber Duckie's blog. The posts on her own blog are much more interesting than her posts on rance's. Even though I wish rance had some decent posting, I will admit that at least now I know what the big RDD deal is all about.

And now back to our regular programming...

RANCETTE: Well, I don't think you should marry him.

BRITNEY: WHY NOT!?

RANCETTE: On March 21, 1978, Kevin Federline was born to...

BRITNEY: I know this already!

RANCETTE: No, you don't. I know you're in a hurry to go shopping with Kori, your future step-daughter, but let me give you all the details I found. After all, you have spent $42,000 on my services and twice that much on your engagement ring. You might listen to everything I've found.

BRITNEY: How did you know I paid for my engagement ring? You are really good.

RANCETTE: Kevin Earl Federline was born...

BRITNEY: His middle name is Earl?! Oh my gosh!

RANCETTE: Do you have a problem with his middle name?

BRITNEY: What are you talking about!? It is the cutest name ever.

RANCETTE: Cuter than Kevin?

BRITNEY: Come on, read the rest of the report.

RANCETTE: Kevin's dad's name is Michael and his step-mother is Collette...

BRITNEY: I know. His parents HATE me!

RANCETTE: When he was eight years old, his parents left him home alone by himself, while they went on a romantic getaway to France.

BRITNEY: That's child abuse!

RANCETTE: Actually, it was a mistake. But yes, it caused him severe mental damage. In the time they were away, Kevin broke into the family cookie jar and bought his first Michael Jackson album. Making up dance moves of his own and copying some of Michael's from watching MTV for the first time, Kevin decided he wanted to become a dancer.

BRITNEY: Are you sure this isn't my bio you're reading?

RANCETTE: In high school, he had a serious relationship with Felicia Cabiero for three years. They broke up after she found out Kevin cheated on her.

BRITNEY: This can't be true! Kevin doesn't cheat on people.

Rancette hands Britney photo copies of letters.

RANCETTE: Felicia sold these letters to the press after his engagement to you.

BRITNEY: That ho!

RANCETTE: You really ought to have pity on her. She's a Hooter's waitress and doesn't make that much money. What they paid her wasn't even enough for her to retire. You should pay attention to his spelling. That is enough for you to dump him right there.

BRITNEY: These letters are fake.

RANCETTE: You can think whatever you want. He also dated a certain "Amy Woody" for awhile. She said he made her feel like "the only one in the world". Later Kevin dumped her to pursue his career as a dancer.

BRITNEY: So go on...

RANCETTE: In 1999, when you hit the scene, Kevin made fun of your music with his friends. When you started making lots of money, he pledged to marry you and divorce you when someone better came along. He started making plans of what he'd do with one half of your money.

BRITNEY: I don't believe you.

RANCETTE: He decided to be part of your opening act in the year 2000 and succeeded. Brokenhearted that you were with Justin Timberlake...

BRITNEY: Oh yeah, that jerk!

RANCETTE: ...he got his girlfriend, Shar Jackson, pregnant just over a year later. They had a child in 2002. By that time, Kevin worked his way up to being a backup dancer for Justin Timberlake. This was all in Kevin's plot for him to meet you. He did meet you again, backstage at the 2002 VMAs.

BRITNEY: I wish we had hooked up then.

RANCETTE: Britney, not yet realizing that Kevin was her soulmate, brushed him aside. Trying to keep Shar satisfied, Kevin had a second child with her, born July, 2004.

BRITNEY: I don't know why she decided to have another baby with him.

RANCETTE: She was trying to keep him. And you can't keep a man like Kevin. I also had the opportunity to speak with Shar Jackson and she recognized what you had in common.

BRITNEY: What did she say?

Rancette pulls out a taperecorder.

SHAR'S VOICE: "You both smoke, you both drink and you both cheated on significant others after three years."

BRITNEY: That is so right on the money!

RANCETTE: I don't think she was being complimentary.

BRITNEY: What are you saying?

RANCETTE: If you have children with this man, the patterns show he would leave you when you are three-months pregnant with your second child.

BRITNEY: I'm sorry, there are no patterns with Kevin. He only did this once. I can't believe you are saying this. Kevin would never do that to me! I'm Britney Spears.

RANCETTE: How many times does someone need to cheat on someone else before it shows there is a pattern?

BRITNEY: You are just jealous. Give me my money back!

RANCETTE: I have the feeling that this is the ending of a beautiful friendship.

THE END



BIBLIOGRAPHY

Spears warned her new man is a heartbreaker

Warning from Britney's Lover's Ex

6th post to Rance's site
Topic: Posts on Rance's Blog
I posted to Rance's site this morning:

"I haven't been posting my comments on this site lately, out of protest to rance not posting. But I do have something to say.

The title of this morning's post was "A Comment From Rubber Duckie Rance will answer".

I read the whole post, but where is the part where Rance posts?"

AGENT RANCETTE, Episode One: Kevin Crosses the (Feder) Line
Topic: Agent Rancette
RANCETTE (V.O.): I had been open for business three days, when my first customer walked through the door. She was a trashy blonde and wasn't wearing a bra. The sight was hard to see.

BLONDE: Are you Agent Rancette?

RANCETTE: Yes, I am.

BLONDE: What kind of agent are you?

RANCETTE: I'm more like a private eye. Like the one in the MALTESE FALCON.

BLONDE: Oh, I've never seen that one. How much is your fee?

RANCETTE: Three thousand per day, plus expenses.

BLONDE: Oh wow, that's cheap. Are you sure you can find him for that?

RANCETTE: Find who?

BLONDE: Well, not exactly find him. I know where he is.

RANCETTE: I see. You want me to trail him. You think he's unfaithful?

BLONDE: OH NO! Kevin would NEVER be unfaithful. We made a preliminary VOW!

RANCETTE: Then what do you want me to do?

BLONDE: I just want some background information on Kevin before we get married. So I know what we're getting into.

RANCETTE: Sure. Kevin, who?

BLONDE: My fiance.

RANCETTE: I know. You already said he was your fiance. What is his last name?

BLONDE: Federline.

RANCETTE: Oh, is he that football player?

BLONDE: No, he's a dancer.

RANCETTE: Like at a strip club?

BLONDE: No, silly. He's my back-up dancer. You know who I am right?

RANCETTE: Refresh my memory. Did we go to school together?

BLONDE: I'm BRITNEY SPEARS!

RANCETTE: Oh. No, I'm sorry, I don't work for celebrities.

BRITNEY: Please, PLEASE! I must have YOU.

RANCETTE: Why?

BRITNEY: Because you're the only female private eye in town.

RANCETTE: Ahh. Well, okay. I must have thirteen thousand up front, though. After the check clears, I'll get to work on the case.

Britney opens her suitcase and pulls out some money. She hands Rancette thirteen thousand in cash.

BRITNEY: I brought some money just in case you wanted payment up front.

TWO WEEKS LATER

BRITNEY: So what is the verdict your honor?

RANCETTE: Well, I don't think you should marry him.

BRITNEY: WHY NOT!?

TO BE CONTINUED AFTER THE COMMERCIAL BREAK...

Labor Day & China
When I was a kid, I used to get Labor Day & Memorial Day confused. I knew one of them was in September and the other one was in May. I didn't so much concentrate on what the holidays were about, so much as when they were. I never got it straight until college, maybe.

So not wearing white before Easter, and not wearing it after Labor Day? I think that is the saying. I don't really pay attention anyway. I wear white when I want and black when I want. And if it's a fashion foux pas (spelling?) who the heck cares? At least I don't.

So I think I mentioned I was talking to a musician. It didn't work out with him. I think he was only trying to be nice to me, and we haven't talked for awhile.

So I met this new guy on Thursday, in person. And I originally met him on the Internet, because that's where I look for people sometimes. It turns out he's really nice, but... engaged. Now why would you put an ad on a personals site if you're engaged?

Beats me. He piqued my interest (yes I contacted him first), because he has been in China for the last couple years. And I wanted to hear about his experiences. Nothing really exciting so far, except his fiancee is Chinese and is coming to the USA in a couple months.

So we are going to be friends until she comes and uh, by that I mean simply friends. Really.

Rance in the Music
Dear cyber-readers,

Thank you for joining me this Labor Day weekend. I have actually been slammed with work. So much for some time off! I've been concentrating so much on work that I haven't had much time to think about Rance. As if!


I found this great Liz Phair quote. She and Rance must go way back:

"They say he's famous, but no one can prove it."

And then I did a search for songs with the word famous. And this one by Fifteen fit rance too:

"I wanna be famous and have my face on TV
I want all my old friends to hate me
I don't wanna be able to walk down the street
In this town I won't be around
And you can read all about my life on the newspaper stand
My agent says you can't call me back but you understand
Hey now I'm famous and it really sucks
Hey now I'm famous can you lend me five bucks
Hey now I'm famous when will this all end
Hey now I'm famous and I need a friend"

You are what you eat
Top 10 Things You can find on Rancette's Shopping List (Brand Names Not Listed to Protect the Innocent)*

1. Pizza
2. Ice Cream
3. Tuna
4. Water
5. Salad**
6. Bread
7. Spaghetti Sauce
8. Cheese
9. Salami or
10. Pastrami

*besides i don't write brand names on my list. I know what I want.
** I wrote this on my list the other day and didn't realize till i got home and went to unpack the salad that I hadn't gotten it at all

Murder She Wrote
So it's September and I can't believe it. Less than two weeks to celebrate "our" anniversary. Anniversary of the blog, that is.

I haven't worked on one of my scripts in the while. I decided I would write it as a novel at first. And the only reason I'm talking about it is because it's on the shelf. I'm trying to stimulate ideas about it.

Forget for a moment I write children's books. This is about an adult. I won't mention her name. But anyway. She has built-up anger and murders her step-father. No, I don't have a step-father. No one should be worried.

But the more research I did on parricide, I found that killers don't kill just one parent. They kill both. Of course, not being a psychotic, I didn't know this. It was good I found this out early on. Besides the mother really deserved to die anyway and am glad to see her go. As long as my character gets jail time.

The twist is that she becomes famous through all this and becomes a successful writer. However, when they are going to let her off, she wants to pay her sentence. Because she has gone through a spiritual conversion and has a conviction that she shouldn't get off simply for her celebrity status in society.

However, I realize this can be really boring and overbearing if she's rotting in jail the whole time, not trying to impress anyone at the hearing.

Of course there is another character she interacts with, who is impressed with her and who ended up in jail by being inspired by her. I'm sure I could make this really interesting, and I'm kinda stuck right now.

The things is though, I'll be stuck for a month or two (2 or 3 times it has been a whole year), and all of a sudden, I'll get where I want to go.

Usually I'll write a basic outline. Sometimes it's too basic. Usually I'll know where I want to get to, but I'm a little slow of figuring out what in the third act it's going to take to get them there.

And I don't like cheesy things that happen to wrap it up all nicely. I like it when something unexpected happens, so my audience feels ripped off.

Tequila Mockingbird
I found this cool site. I wasn't going to post it, but what the heck. First of all, let me give Tequila Mockingbird full credit. She has had some people rip her ideas off and I think that's terrible.

But she has a list of "100 things about me". And it was funny. A guy ripped off that list and said those things described him too. I don't think he ripped off the whole list. Just part of it.

So I got to thinking. You know us human beings are pretty much the same. Even if we think we are unique or even if we are the art-house crowd, we are pretty much the same. I read TM's list and found I could say several of the same things about me.

So I will list the things she said that apply to me also. But I do want to get it straight. She came up with this list and I give full credit to her. Please go to her site if you want to see her full list.

8. i fucking hate liars.
15. i'm really good at a lot of things, but i'm scared i'm not great at anything.
18. i don't like beer at all.
20. i can touch my nose with my tongue.
22. if i had to choose between cake or death, i'd choose cake.
23. nothing pisses me off more than a closed mind.
24. i love to ride roller coasters.
25. i dig disco music.
31. i'm beginning to suspect that i do have a biological clock after all.
33. i miss my grandparents every single day.
38. i'm a magazine junkie.
39. i'm a compulsive list maker.
41. i love potatoes...mashed, baked, french fried, you name it.
46. i wish i was fluent in french.
47. and italian.
48. i hate it when people tell me what to do.
50. s'mores? oh, hell yeah!
53. i prefer email to the telephone.
54. what i don't get is why lyle lovett married julia roberts.
59. i am a good listener.
60. i hold grudges. i try really hard not to, but sometimes i just can't help myself.
61. i actually like speaking in front of large crowds.
64. i am sometimes more perceptive than i would like to be.
65. i am fiercely loyal. sometimes, stupidly so.
67. i am way too hard on myself.
68. i am a change agent.
69. i sometimes cross that fine line between assertive and aggressive.
72. i am pro-adoption.
73. i know a little bit about alot of things.
74. i'm a bundle of contradictions. covered in secret sauce.
76. i am capable of being really mean and nasty, but i fight it, really hard.
78. i am lousy at forgiving myself.
79. i am an indoor kind of gal.
83. i set high standards for myself in all areas of my life, and I often expect others to do the same...without ever telling them.
84. i've never read war and peace.
87. i am fascinated by serial killers.
89. i've discovered that it is virtually impossible for me to physically relax.
90. i love movies. especially the philadelphia story. and pretty much anything by the coen brothers. and...oh, hell, i just love movies.*
91. i have a sinking feeling that i'm going to die relatively young, but i don't let it interfere with my day-to-day life.
92. i worry that i'm "supposed" to be doing something great...like world-changing great. but i have no idea what it is.
93. i know she wouldn't admit it to anyone, but i was my gran's favorite.**
94. i try and do the right thing. all the time. and it's hard.
95. i fucking hate it when you think someone is your friend and it turns out that they're actually a sociopath.
96. i learned the word "fuck" from my mom. much to her dismay.
97. some days i'm scared to death...but i think i hide it well.
100. i am 32 flavors. and then some.


I'd like to come up with my own 100 list. Hey, 46 of them are written out for me anyway.
--------------------------------------
*Actually I'm more of a Bette Davis fan than a Katharine Hepburn. But this still describes me very well.
**My "gran" told me I was her favorite a long time ago. This really offended me, because I had great cousins and thought I didn't deserve to be her favorite. Then I wondered if she told them they were her favorites too. Then I realized when I grew up that she respected me most. Because I worked hard for what I had and they were handed everything on a silver platter. And yes, I wanted everything to be handed to me. That would have made it a hell of a lot easier. However, I worked for what I have and it's mine (sorry if that makes me sound bitter or cynical). PS I still love my cousins.

Dog Day Afternoon
I have to thank Tad Bitter. I know he's going to be out of town for the next week or so, but that's okay. When he becomes the next Neil Simon, none of us will be surprised.

I have written a couple plays myself. None of them were performed, because I never got connected into the/a theater community. And while I like Woody Allen movies, I can't imagine living in New York.

Tad is right. When you're writing for theater, you have a few characters and it centers around dialogue. My specialty is dialogue, however, I did get into screenwriting and am very happy here. With writing, I'd like to experiment or work in every format. But the key to success is writing in one way and doing it very well (see Rancelot's page about how Britney is trying to outdo herself by trying to accomplish too much too soon).

That being said, I took Tad's advice and rented Dogville. I took his additional advice and watched it when I had plenty of time. He said to watch the movie in bits and pieces and to stop it if it needed to soak in a little bit.

You know sometimes movies watched in segments are the best. The only bad thing about going to a movie theater is that you can't rewind or you can't pause if you need a little mental break.

In fact, I wanted to see Dogville when it came here in the theaters, but something was holding me back.

Now I have something to admit to you all. When I was watching the movie, my mind wandered. And I thought of the perfect ending to my novel. Yes, that's right, I said novel.

After explaining that focusing on screenwriting is going to be the key to my success, you're stunned to read that I'm working on a novel! And this is actually my second. I paused Dogville and was able to finish my novel in a matter of minutes. I had been stuck on it for months and months and suddenly everything became clear.

Now, keep in mind the storyline was very different than Dogville's and it basically had nothing to do with it. But somehow, my mind was able to go to a place and figure out in a moment what I couldn't figure out in months.

Now, here comes the sucky part. My agent knows I've written these books, and is not very anxious to have them published. Cause not only am I trying to establish myself as a screenwriter, here comes the tough part, the books that I've written are children's books. May have worked for Madonna, but can it work for me? (BTW, I know you're wondering. No, I'm not Madonna.)

So anyway, the good news is I finished my second book. The bad news is it may not see the light of day for awhile. I've thought of writing under a pseudonym, which might work. However, then they might want me to work on more children's books if they're successful. While my agent over here is saying work on another script. And while my father is saying children's books don't sell, so sell out to Hollywood.

It really is a tough decision. What I should do?

Rance, Quentin, and Jealousy
It's really hard to admit this, but my fascination with Rance is diminishing. I'll try to explain this. At the beginning of the "relationship" (viewer vs. poster), it was thrilling to read Rance's raves and to hear about the accomplished actor/world-traveler. In addition to his wit, we shared many interests. So it was interesting to read his posts.

Like many one-sided relationships, you can only do so much before you get tired of it. This isn't to say I'm going to retire my blog. Heck no! I'm just saying that it is not possible to center it around Rance now that Rance is gone (or replaced by boring/insufficiently competent guest bloggists).

Now that Quentin Tarantino has a blog, I will admit, some of my enthusiasm about Rance shifted to QT. After all, Rance isn't gleaming in the limelight anymore. Someone new has come along. And I give him my attention now.

It's like hanging on to a relationship you know isn't going to last. When Rance posts, it's thrilling and there is that hope that maybe he will return to normal and love his audience again. But as the days go by and all that is revealed is unintelligible ramblings by Rocky or Rubber Duckie or even Ken, I have to admit I'm not interested. Their style is different. Even though Rance appreciates them, I sure do not. I appreciate Rance!

Speaking about relationships you know won't last, I DUMPED the Hollywood actor I was seeing. Yes, I did. I told him I was offended that he tried to get this girl's number right in front of me. He did say I, Rancette, was "wrong" to be jealous. Apparently he was trying to "connect her to the right people in the industry."

Yeah, if I were naive or if this were a one time occurence, maybe dumping him would have been an overreaction. But when he's chatting up every girl he sees every time we go on a date, this is not a very pleasant experience for me. So even though I'd like to be in a relationship right now, no relationship is better than a bad relationship.

It was hard to break up with him, because I do like him. But I will have to forget about love for the time being. Until I find someone that I don't need to get "jealous" about.

Notes from Rancette (sorry I don't have an administrative staff): I wrote this post the day before. It's a coincedence that Wakefield posted yesterday to write less about Rance. To tell the truth, I am becoming less interested in him, and it's sad. If Rance wants to string people around, people are going to get tired of it.

Rhymes with Orange. hmmm....
I don't know if I should admit this or not. Here goes. Even though I write screenplays, I don't limit my writing to this. A couple years ago, I wrote hundreds of songs per year. Most of them were bad, but still, I wrote quite a bit. Then I realized that I wasn't working on my scripts, so I devoted my writing time to scripts. Of course that drastically reduced the amount of writing time I had for writing songs, and I write a lot fewer songs.

But ever since waxwing's Friday, June 11th post on Rance's site, I have been wanting to post something that rhymes. The acrostic was not by any means try to rhyme (if so, I have serious problems). I wrote the acrostic after hearing the song "L is for the way you look at me" way too many times. I thought it was really stupid, until I realized writing an acrostic that rhymes it extremely difficult (beyond my rancette-capabilities).

Maybe I will get around to posting a rhyming Hollywood rant. I don't know. Or maybe something that rhymes. Hey, this is my blog. I can do what I want, right?

But the point is, even though the majority of guest-bloggers on rance's site really suck, I will never forget that one post by waxwing. I've always wanted to do that. Now if I can get my brain back in lyric-writing mode...

Rance Acrostic
R is for your RANTS on Hollywood
A is for your AIR of mystery
N is for NOT revealing your identity
C is for how you CEASE to post
E is for the ELOQUENCE of your writing