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Agent Rancette
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Sunday, 15 August 2004
Rance & Rancette Part Six
Mood:  celebratory
Topic: Rance & Rancette
Help me celebrate my one month anniversay of blogging!

I made sure the next installment of Rance & Rancette was available for this special occasion. Thank you for joining me.


RANCETTE
What about all those posts about all those different
places you were visiting? You were too old and
decrepit to travel in your condition, Marlon.
Ha, ha, gotcha now!


RANCE
Rancette, those were memories from my younger days.
Everything I write really happened, but it was a
really long time ago.

RANCETTE
Hmm, so everyone has been obsessed over a has-been
Hollywood star and events that happened 30 years
ago or more.

RANCE
Some consider me to be the greatest actor of all time.

RANCETTE
You were in a few good films. But Streetcar Named
Desire ranks as one of the most tragic excuses
for a film in my book. Vivan Leigh's southern
accent is deplorable!

RANCE
But I was wonderful in On the Waterfront.

RANCETTE
Yes...

RANCE
And the Godfather!

RANCETTE
Oh yes!

RANCE
And admit my chest was in very good shape in Streetcar
Named Desire, even if the film is overrated, if I
do say so myself.

RANCETTE
Oh yes, you were absolutely hotstuff! Even if you
aged really badly.

RANCE
Hold on for a second, Rancette. [withheld] is
IMing me.

Rance returns to Internet conversation 6 minutes later.

RANCE
(cont'd)
Back.

RANCETTE
[withheld] is IMing you! This really doesn't
make any sense, Rance.

RANCE
Why not, Rancette?

RANCETTE
Well, for one thing [withheld] was created after
you claimed the administrative staff took over. How
could you get [withheld]'s screenname if [withheld]'s
name was withheld?

RANCE
Well, uh, um...

RANCETTE (V.O.)
Ha, ha! Rance is now stripped of his power. He
can't even pretend that he is in control of the
blogging world. This is a sad day for bloggers
everywhere and for Hollywood.

Rance logs off, never to be seen or heard from again.



FADE OUT

Yours Truly, rancette at 5:17 AM PDT
Updated: Thursday, 19 August 2004 9:42 AM PDT
Post Comment | View Comments (6) | Permalink
Friday, 13 August 2004
Beware!
Mood:  hug me
Today is Friday the 13th! The ides of August!

All day I've had the feeling something bad is going to happen...

But nothing has yet. What I love about Fridays is the weekend love forecast that the L.A. Times horoscope has. Check it out here:
Horoscopes

I'm not superstitious (OK, a little), but here is a great article about why people think Friday the 13th is unlucky:
Friday the 13th article

OK, I will admit when I started writing the Rance dialogue, I had no idea where it was going. I didn't write an outline, because I thought it was going to be a one-time deal. But then I kept writing TO BE CONTINUED...

So please forgive me if it seems like it's going nowhere, because it is. I will try to find a nice way to wrap it up. Maybe with one of us dying or maybe [withheld] being introduced as a character (I think [withheld] is a figment of rance's imagination anyway). It depends on my imagination and it depends on rance's comments on his website. I just have to figure out where this is all going.

In personal news, my little twinkling star boyfriend seems to be a little bit of a player. If he were Mr. Normal, he would have been out-the-door a long time ago. So maybe I'll make Friday, the 13th an unlucky day for him and drop the bomb on him and dump him. Wish me luck.

Yours Truly, rancette at 1:26 PM PDT
Updated: Friday, 13 August 2004 1:26 PM PDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Thursday, 12 August 2004
5th post to rance's site
Topic: Posts on Rance's Blog
Note from rancette (sorry I have no administrative staff):

Yes, I know Rance changed his archive format from List format to Calendar format. But it's really annoying. I'm not going to change, just because he did!

The fifth installment of Rance & Rancette is on its way. I have to go through the revising stage now.

I had a date last night with the Hollywood actor I have mentioned before. He introduced me to a Kabbalah recruiter named Isis. Whether the heck that was her name or not (I don't think it was), he had the guts to say to her that I thought Kabbalah was mish-mash (repeating what I had said earlier). I really wanted to dump the sucker, but he is a Hollywood star for goodness sakes (if only a little twinkling one). Someone out there encourage me to dump him please!

My fifth post to rance's site is in regard's to voy's August 11th post. This person was trying to say that he applauds rance for "bowing out" gracefully:

I always thought rance's claim to wanting to leave was a little fishy. Like Elton John's "Farewell Tour". Elton wasn't really planning to leave us, he just wanted to make a few extra bucks. rance is probably just trying to keep our interest by planning to leave. He wants to hear "No, rance, don't go!" As he reads over the comments begging him not to leave, he will probably decide, "I like being the most famous unknown blogger after all!"

Yours Truly, rancette at 12:01 AM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 14 September 2004 7:44 AM PDT
Post Comment | View Comments (7) | Permalink
Wednesday, 11 August 2004
Rance and Rancette Part V
Mood:  energetic
Topic: Rance & Rancette
Please read Rance & Rancette Part IV, before reading this one. There are spoilers. Rance's identity was revealed last time.

So, I thought about talking to my agent about a Rance & Rancette script, based on postings to my blog. But that wouldn't work, because:

I do this for the love of it and am not trying to make money (don't tell my agent!!)

My (new) agent doesn't know I'm Rancette.

Even though Marlon Brando had millions of fans, Rance only has thousands, and the movie might not break even.

I hope you enjoy this installment. Keep in mind it's fiction. So without further adieu...

RANCE & RANCETTE PART V
by Rancette

RANCETTE
Well, I have an open mind. I believe in
communicating beyond the grave.

RANCE
I mean, technology is so great! It's so simple
for dead people to send messages these days.
John Lennon could communicate with Yoko now, but
he's not Internet savvy!

RANCETTE
So what would you like me to do, Rance? Marlon?
What should I call you?

RANCE
Anything you please.

RANCETTE
I didn't know they had computers in hell?

RANCE
I never said I was in hell, you *#&@^!

RANCETTE
Well, I figured they used the term "gone
fishing" a little liberally, anyhow. Where
are you?

RANCE
I'm not at liberty to say. But rest assured, it's
somewhere where I'm able to communicate.

RANCETTE
Wait, a second. You said you found out from your
"administrative staff" that I sent you a picture of
Karen O., instead of me. There's no "adminis-
trative" staff.

RANCE
Well, I wasn't intending to reveal my identity, Ran-
cette. I had to tell you something you would believe.
Would you actually believe that a spirit of a 19
year old girl who died in a car crash told me
that? No, I don't think so.

RANCETTE
I see, so you're trapped in some sort of "spirit"
world. I'm sorry, but I still think you're in hell.

RANCE
You're really ticking me off, Rancette. There
are only so many people who I can talk to, now that
I'm dead.

RANCETTE
My apologies. This is kinda cool. You know if this
were a movie, it'd be the Sixth Sense.

RANCE
Yeah, I auditioned for that movie. But M. Night said
"No way would Olivia Williams be with a disgusting
old guy like you." I think Olivia is hot and I've
always regretting not working with her...

RANCETTE
Gross, Rance! TMI! Wait a second, who are you really?
I have to be naive thinking that I'm chatting with
Marlon Brando, first of all. A dead person. Maybe I
could handle that. But certain things just don't
fit.

RANCE
Like what?

RANCETTE
Rance liked to hang out in the Vatican chat room
and Marlon Brando was an athiest.

RANCE
Just because I'm an athiest doesn't mean that I don't
enjoy chatting with the Vatican.

RANCETTE
Well, it seemed unlikely. What about all those
posts about all those different places you were
visiting? You were too old and decrepit to
travel in your condition, Marlon. Ha, ha, gotcha now!



TO BE CONTINUED...

Yours Truly, rancette at 10:30 AM PDT
Updated: Wednesday, 11 August 2004 10:01 PM PDT
Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Rance & Rancette part IV
Mood:  suave
Topic: Rance & Rancette
This post is dedicated to Lora.

The rest of this post is fiction.

RANCE
Like I said before, I'm not Ben Affleck.

Rancette takes another look at the JPEG.

RANCETTE
I can see that!

RANCE
Wait, a member of my administrative staff just told
me that's not your pic that you sent me. It's Karen
O. Who's she?

RANCETTE
Ha, do you think I'd actually show you a real pic
of me? I figured you would know nothing about
punk rock music and would never figure out that
it wasn't me in the picture. But I don't think that
you're Marlon Brando either.

RANCE
I didn't think that you'd believe me. But it's true...

RANCETTE
No!

RANCE
That's right sweetheart, I am Marlon Brando!

RANCETTE
There's so many questions I'd like to ask you Mr.
Brando, but I'm actually more interested in
your rance character. I'd like to ask him questions
first.

RANCE
It's not like I have different personalities.
Ask any questions you want sweetheart.

RANCETTE
Well, it would make sense that you were Marlon
Brando. We haven't seen hide nor hair from you in
awhile. About two weeks after Marlon Brando
died in fact. That would give the administrative
staff enough time to filter through your draft
entries and figure out what the heck they were going
to do. One brilliant intern from USC figured out
that they should hold a "who wants to be the next
Rance" contest.

RANCE
You're catching on sweetheart. Only the intern was
from UCLA. Meanwhile, Jack Nicholson fore-
closed on my house (I never wanted that bastard to
buy my house. I should have written that in my will).
They had to find out where to set up the new HQ, so
it took a few days/weeks before the administrative
staff could post again.

RANCETTE
Wow, Marlon. It's not you who's infatuated with
Rubber Duckie, it's the Admin!

RANCE
Quite right, Rancette. They're turning my blog
into a desecration. I'm the only one who had any-
thing interesting to say. And they spelled Rubber
"Ducky" wrong. I'm no idiot! I know how to spell
*$#@ing "Duckie".

RANCETTE
I noticed that, too.

RANCE
You have a sharp eye. I tried to email them from
you know where, Rancette, but they haven't responded
to any of my frantic emails. If it were a movie, I'd
call it "The Captain Hoof Mutiny."

RANCETTE
Well, I have an open mind. I believe in
communicating beyond the grave.



TO BE CONTINUED...

Yours Truly, rancette at 4:31 AM PDT
Updated: Wednesday, 11 August 2004 10:23 AM PDT
Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Tuesday, 10 August 2004
Kevin
Mood:  spacey
I have always wanted to write a Kevin Spacey post, but never had enough reason. But someone named John emailed me and asked me why I hadn't mentioned one of the greatest films ever, "American Beauty". And I said:


I'll tell you my American Beauty story (BTW, I love Kevin Spacey. I want to marry him).

Years ago, my mom and I were making conversation before this concert we went to. And I happen to mention that week I saw "A Time to Kill" and I said, "You know, it's with Sandra Bullock, Kevin Spacey, etc."

And she goes, "You haven't seen that American Beauty film? That's an awful, disgusting film."

And I thought about lying, because my parents are against the kind of stuff that is in that movie: murder, adultery, sodomy (kind of), masturbation (the kinds of things that make movies). But I boldly said, "Yes, I have seen it."

And she lectured me about how bad Kevin Spacey was. And then the very next weekend, she invites me home to watch "The Usual Suspects" with the fam.


Other to die for Kevin Spacey movies include: K-Pax and Pay it Forward. Kevin Spacey is a dream. It's too bad he moved to England just as I was moving to L.A., otherwise I'd be tempted to stalk him or at least attend the same parties as he did, so I could be the future Mrs. Rancette Spacey. Maybe I would keep my maiden name, because by that time I'm sure I would have become a recognizable screenwriter, at least by the industry.

I have to admit I was disappointed that I couldn't attend this one party recently. Jake Gyllenhaal was supposed to be there, but I had already made plans. But then I found out that Scarlett Johansson was dating him anyway and I wouldn't have had a chance even if I HAD gone.

I don't know, maybe Jake would have been mesmerized by Rancette's charm. Ha, I don't think so. Besides, would I really want to be with him after he's been with Kirsten Dunst!? Probably NOT!

Yours Truly, rancette at 4:03 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 10 August 2004 4:08 PM PDT
Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink
rance & rancette part III
Topic: Rance & Rancette
You know, I would have found it hard to sleep if I had known that I would have had 2 comments waiting to be moderated.

But now for what you've all been waiting for: "rance & rancette part 3". Once again I warn you, for my sake and your own, this is fiction!!!



RANCE
Rancette, I'd like to meet you some time.

RANCETTE
Why, so you could take care of me the cheap way?
Stick a knife in my back?

RANCE
No, Rancette. See, I'm this old dude, but you're
impressed with who I am, are you not?

RANCETTE
Well, kind of. In a sick way. I'm just a crazed
fan who would be privileged to go out with any
second-rate actor. But you! I never would have
imagined you'd ask!

RANCE
Rancette, there are people who think I'm second-rate!

Rancette GASPS.

RANCETTE
No!

RANCE
All the reviews, all the message boards on the
Internet, all the death threats I've received...

RANCETTE
My goodness, Rance, you're so whiny and sneaky and
vile... You're so dependent on the attention you get
from the press and your fans and your movie-star
girlfriends that I would have guessed that you
were Ben Affleck!

RANCE
How dare you say that, Rancette! I'm not half the
nincompoop that Ben Affleck is! Besides I don't
talk about my love life on my blog.

RANCETTE
It would be very interesting to read about it. Oh wait,
we already read it in the tabloids!!

RANCE
I respect their privacy.

RANCETTE
"Their" privacy? I get the impression there's
quite a few girls you have on your arm. Not
mentioning them, so they won't find out about each
other, huh!

RANCE
So how about letting me buy you a drink, huh? We
could meet at [restaurant deleted for rance and
rancette's privacy].

RANCETTE
That sounds wonderful Rance, but as I already
mentioned, I'm dating this "younger" actor right now.
But you wouldn't know that, cause you don't read my
blog.

RANCE
Ha, there IS no Hollywood actor! I bet you're making
him up.

RANCETTE
Well, if there isn't, at least I have an "older"
Hollywood actor hitting on me. They're coming
from all directions now, aren't they? They want
Rancette. Well, listen here mister, I'm saying "no."
Can you handle rejection?

RANCE
Like I said before, I'm not Ben Affleck.



TO BE CONTINUED...

Yours Truly, rancette at 6:37 AM PDT
Updated: Wednesday, 11 August 2004 4:08 AM PDT
Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Monday, 9 August 2004
4th post to Rance's site / King Kong release dates
Topic: Posts on Rance's Blog
First things first. Per imdb.com, King Kong is set to be released in the USA just in time for Christmas: December 14th, 2005. Great, cause that's just what I asked Santa for. This is also the day Fay Wray would have turned 100. Just kidding.

Ok, so I finally confessed all to rance. I held back as long as I could. And the dam broke:

"Dear rance,

I'm getting kind of sick of your guest-bloggists and your administrative staff notes. I'm telling you this, cause it's nice to hear straight from you. Check out my blog, because you'll see the lengths I went through to "hear" from you. I even made up a conversation or two between us, and even managed to keep your identity a secret!

Anyway, ciao for now, and PLEASE update us on your personal life or at least pick a permanent replacement."

Of course, I am working on a third installment of our conversation, and his identity is coming really close to being revealed. Stay tuned, because I'll probably post it after I get some shut eye.

Yours Truly, rancette at 7:03 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 14 September 2004 7:46 AM PDT
Post Comment | View Comments (5) | Permalink
rance
I'd be lying if I said I didn't care about rance or what rance thought about me (or what he doesn't think about me).

It's painful to check my email everyday at rancette@yahoo.com only to find that there is no interviewer questionaire from rance.

But I'd also be wrong to say that this blog is all for nothing. I've had great commentors so far, and they've all said nice things (unless I'm too dense to pick up on insults). That's right: no death threats so far! And I've figured out why. I'm nice and rance isn't. Okay, so I said a few shabby things about Fay Wray, but she's dead and can't do anything about it!

And I was just trying to be funny. I didn't mean it! After all, she has three kids and they might come after me.

So anyway, to my faithful audience who keeps reading day after day. And if you haven't checked the blog in a few days, sorry about the overload. I've posted quite a bit today and yesterday. But it's not everyday that a Hollywood legend dies.


Yours Truly, rancette at 6:58 PM PDT
Updated: Monday, 9 August 2004 7:05 PM PDT
Post Comment | Permalink
Fay Wray dies!
Mood:  loud
I guess she heard how bad Peter Jackson's remake was going to be. She knew she'd be tempted to see it, but would be utterly disappointed. "So what did Fay Wray do?" you ask. She keeled over!

Was it because she was green with envy over Naomi Watts being chosen as the new Ann Darrow? Didn't Fay want to be the only Ann Darrow? Was she afraid that some might prefer Naomi to her and send her hate mail?

Fear not, Fay! When the studios would have gone under for paying Peter Jackson so much and not being able to recoup...or even come anywhere close, you would have been victorious!

You could have died knowing that you were the one who made the original King Kong the hit that it was. And you would have stood tall, superior to Peter Jackson, Naomi Watts, Adrien Brody, and Jack Black put together!!

But maybe, being the humble lady from Canada that you were, you decided that your time had come and you did not want to rub your superiority in anyone's face.

It would have been fun to see the remake fail miserably, wouldn't it have been? Maybe a tad bit painful, knowing someone wanted to cash in on what you had made successful.

Maybe if you had died right after the remake had been released, and it had been a smash hit, they would have said you couldn't take the fact that Naomi Watts was trying to shadow your legacy. So you died from grief!

Um, anyway, condolences to the family. I'm sure she will be missed. She will always live in our memory as Ann Darrow, even if Naomi Watts will live in our memory as the reporter from The Ring! HA HA HA HA!

Yours Truly, rancette at 3:47 PM PDT
Updated: Monday, 9 August 2004 7:05 PM PDT
Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
Rance and Rancette Continued!
Topic: Rance & Rancette
I'm sure you all have been breathlessly waiting for the next installment of Rance & Rancette. I should be working on my new script, but everyone deserves a break, especially if they are as creative as me!

I don't wish to be sued, especially by Rance, so keep in mind this is fiction:



Rancette gasps. The JPEG reveals an old, wrinkly man,
the actor formerly known as ....

RANCE
You won't tell anyone, will you Rancette?

RANCETTE
(lying)
Are you kidding, Rance? I would never!

RANCE
What if they offered you a vast sum of money?

RANCETTE
You are forgetting something essential, Rancey.
You know MY identity.

RANCE
First of all, sweetie, don't call me Rancey. Second
of all, I have your picture, but I don't know who
the hell you are, because you're a screen-writer.
Your face is unrecognizable to me! Even if I did find
out who you were, it wouldn't matter, because
you're nowhere near as infamous as I am!

RANCETTE
Rance, if I can't call you Rancey, you can't call
me sweetie. But you're a smart guy. I'm sure you
can figure out a way to keep me from revealing your
identity as....

RANCE
Don't say it! Don't say it!

RANCETTE
How much will you offer me to keep quiet?

RANCE
I'm sure you know this, but I ran out of money
already! I was paid a huge advance for my auto-
biography, but I had to pay off other people;
so I can't offer you a red cent!

RANCETTE
Well, there is one thing you could do that doesn't
involve paying me anything.

RANCE
Rancette, we've already discussed this. I will
not permit you to take over my blog!

RANCETTE
But I'd let you guest-host anytime you pleased! I
post way more on my blog than you do yours. Just look
at the entries in the last 48 hours!

RANCE
I know. But I have had my blog longer than you,
Rancette. How do I know that the excitement of
having a blog won't wear off? I have thousands
of disappointed fans to think of, Rancette. You
just don't have the experience or the notoriety.

RANCETTE
Oh, please. You have a following of hundreds at the
most! Thousands? Give me a break, Rance!



TO BE CONTINUED...

Yours Truly, rancette at 2:02 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 10 August 2004 6:51 AM PDT
Post Comment | View Comments (1) | Permalink
I have a stalker!
No, I don't actually think that's the case. But I wanted to let you know, just in case I disappear one day. The reason would be 1) the stalker "got" me or 2) I got really bored and stopped posting.

But if you are geniunely concerned for me, all the better.

Now onto why I think I might have a stalker:

I belong to a couple online dating services. You may have even seen my face, while searching for a certain gender, in a certain age range, in a certain zip code.

I am not going to say which one, but any service you might have visited probably had me as a registered user. Because a few months ago, I was on the rebound and was trying to get a date with anyone I could, as fast as I could! Keep in mind, this is that they fit within the limitations of what I wanted in a man, so I weeded out quite a few suckers!

So anyhow, this is where it gets interesting...

I registered on this one website and uploaded my profile and photo. When I went to search for a man within the limits of the qualifications I wanted, I came across the face of the guy from the place where I always rent my movies!

I thought he'd think I was a loser for registering for an online dating service (even though he was using the same site). He wasn't my type anyway, so I removed my photo so he wouldn't recognize me, thinking, "oh no, I bet this will reduce the number of interested applicants."

So I was right. No one applied to my ad. Except HIM! I thought I was pretty different from him, but something in my ad caught his eye and he explained his interest in this completely esoteric interest of mine that I thought would deter every would-be suitor.

Not him! So the next time I went to check out some videos, I went to the other person's check-out line, carefully avoiding any contact with him.

Then I realized, he probably knew who I was, and if he did, he had full access to my account! The profile asked what the last good movie I saw, and it was on my account at the time. It was an older rental, and definitely not on the top rentals list.

Gosh, maybe I sound paranoid. But if I were truly paranoid, I might think that he could see this blog and I'd be afraid to post this story.

But like I said, it's been about a month, and he hasn't come to my house and hacked me to bits. So I think we're safe. I DID submit a change of address on my account, so it has my old address listed instead of my current address, so if he does find out it's me, he won't know where I live.

I was thinking about writing a screenplay where the guy actually does find out who the person is and goes after her, but I'll write that in my notebook of ideas and save it for a rainy day.


Yours Truly, rancette at 9:51 AM PDT
Updated: Monday, 9 August 2004 12:00 PM PDT
Post Comment | View Comments (2) | Permalink
rance & rancette
Mood:  silly
Topic: Rance & Rancette
I think the reason why rance's blog is so exciting is that a blog is only as good as its commentators. And rance has some pretty good ones.

I complained that rance didn't post enough comments, that he was too choosy. Ever since then, he has posted every single comment that has come along. At least he started posting my comments. I only had about one or two or three comments posted on his site. But I have posted four or five or six. Before I created this "rancette" handle, I had two other names.

But do you think rance posted anything I said? No, so I took a different approach, after the first two attempts failed. Since the name "rancette" appealed to his ego, he posted my comments under that name.

I had an idea last night: to write a letter from rance to me. Of course, by morning it evolved into a conversation between rance and me.

So here goes. Please keep in mind, this is fiction!


RANCE
Your blog will never be as good as mine,
Rancette!

RANCETTE
Well, I don't know. My audience is steadily
growing. And yours is steadily...declining!

RANCE
So interest in my blog is waning? But yours
is a spin-off of mine! If people are tired
of my blog, imagine just how tired they will
get of your blog.

RANCETTE
You're right. I should just give up now.

RANCE
There's a girl.

RANCETTE
But I want to know one thing first.

RANCE
What's that?

RANCETTE
Are you Owen Wilson or Jim Carrey... or
God forbid, GEORGE CLOONEY!? Because if
you are, I would either not be able to
contain myself, or I would lose all respect
for you.

RANCE
Rancette, tell me one thing.

RANCETTE
Sure, what?

RANCE
You write like a man who is trying to sound
like a woman. Are you really female?

RANCETTE
I object, your Honor! Why do you say that?
Of course I'm a girl!

RANCE
Show me a picture, then.

A file transfer takes place between Rance and Rancette.

RANCETTE
So what do you think?

RANCE
Rancette! You're gorgeous.

RANCETTE
Wait, was this just a ploy to get me to show
you my picture?

RANCE
Yes, and you took the bait like an actress on
her first day in Hollywood.

RANCETTE
Well, I suppose it would be pointless asking,
but could I see a picture of you?

RANCE
Of course, it's only fair.


A file transfer takes place between Rance and Rancette.

Rancette gasps. The JPEG reveals an old, wrinkly man,
the actor formerly known as ....




TO BE CONTINUED...

Yours Truly, rancette at 5:11 AM PDT
Updated: Wednesday, 11 August 2004 10:22 AM PDT
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Sunday, 8 August 2004
Victory!!
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: The Quiet Man, starring Maureen O'Hara
I have to admit that there is a plus to not being chosen as the new Rance. I have received no death threats thus far.

However, there are cons. I have received no comments at all! Ha, it's like I don't even exist. Maybe I don't. Maybe it's all in my mind. You know it could be, because no one is watching this blog anyway.

Oh yes, and remind me not to go see a movie I have a bad feeling about. I can't believe I saw Collateral. Sure, there were a few good moments, but it was almost entirely unbelievable. Tom Cruise's character was really sloppy and any decent cop would have caught him in an instant.

Oh well, my date was hot. He's an actor that has been in a few good movies. He has the same shade of hair colour that I do. Um, better not say anymore or my identity might be revealed.

The only bad thing about my date is that he is afraid of the "L" word. We have had a few dates, a few kisses, but he talks so practically, that there isn't an ounce of romance in our relationship.

This has driven me to consider writing a really romantic script, with reaalllly to die for romantic lines like those old Humphrey Bogart movies had.

If anyone wants to steal this idea, go right ahead. We don't have enough utterly romantic films out there that make your heart beat fast enough.

Talk to you soon.

Oh wait, I would just as soon be talking to myself, so why post here?

Because I'm a writer, that's why!

Which got me into this mess in the first place. Because Rance doesn't like writers, he didn't even interview me. Which means I don't get any comments, be it death threats or adulation.

So I may write what I please, but does it really please me? Because isn't the joy in life about pleasing others?

Maybe if I threaten to kill myself unless someone posts, someone will post. However, that would be pointless, because my life is too good right now to kill myself.

Although I am estranged from my two best friends back home. They won't even talk to me. I wonder if it's because I haven't been a good friend (which I have been) or if the distance is too great a barrier for the great friendship we once had. I call them and they're not there. They've made other friends.

OK, the price of fame. I've met new and exciting people, but right now I feel so isolated.

Did I say life was too good right now?

TO BE CONTINUED...

Yours Truly, rancette at 6:14 PM PDT
Updated: Sunday, 8 August 2004 6:18 PM PDT
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Wednesday, 4 August 2004
3rd post to Rance's blog
Topic: Posts on Rance's Blog
Dear lurkers,

I have just posted a third entry to Rance's blog, which he wonderfully posted. It's posted here, just in case you can't find it on his site.

"I hate to sound angry, because I am simply dissatisfied. It's obvious that Rubber Duckie is Rance's alter ego. That is why rance likes him so much.

Since I am a "new" blogger, I don't have anyone posting to my blog yet. But I am not resorting to creating alter egos to get comments.

You threaten to end your blog unless one of your alter egos takes over. But then since you, Rance, are in control, you don't let these alter egos take over. So the rest of us are left in suspense.

I don't know if that is brilliant, cruel, or both. Yes, I applied to be the new Rance. I don't know if you could understand that the heading "FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: RANCETTE" meant I was applying to be the new Rance. I wasn't applying for an Academy Award.

Rance does the unexpected, though. I was expected he'd at least send me the questions, then unmercifully shoot me down and say "You don't deserve to be the new Rance." But no, he did not even email me for an interview.

What I have been wondering is if Rance doesn't like me, or is he too afraid to interview me? Just wondering. Of course, I am a big fan of thrillers and Rance has definitely been keeping me and I assume all of his fans in suspense.

Yours truly,
Rancette"

Once again, if anyone out there sees my blog, you are more than welcome to post. Since men are overappreciated in Hollywood, you are welcome to send me a list of your favorite actresses and why you appreciate them.

Yours Truly, rancette at 4:33 PM PDT
Updated: Tuesday, 14 September 2004 7:52 AM PDT
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