Rance and Rancette go to a Funeral
Topic: Rance & Rancette
RANCE: Hey, Rancette. I'm going to a funeral.

RANCETTE: Oh, I'm sorry. Who died? Anyone close to you?

RANCE: Yeah, family.

RANCETTE: I'm sorry.

RANCE: It's ok. She was older. We knew she was going to pass away soon.

RANCETTE: Still it hurts.

RANCE: Listen, would you like to go to the reception?

RANCETTE: But, I mean, this is a personal affair.

RANCE: Well, the funeral reception's for Janet Leigh.

RANCETTE: WHAT!? You're related to Janet Leigh!?

RANCE: Yes.

RANCETTE: How?

RANCE: Well, why don't you come and find out?

* * *

Setting: funeral reception.

Everyone is dressed in black, from head to toe. Rancette sees Jamie Lee Curtis from a distance. She also sees several people that she does not recognize. She wanders to the food table and picks out fruit and some little sandwiches.

Jamie Lee Curtis walks up to a podium.

JAMIE: Everybody. I would like to say a few words. She was the greatest mom. (starts crying) I can't go on!

KELLY: As Janet's other daughter, I would like to take over for Jamie. I want this to be a very special day and for everyone to think of their best memory of our mom.

Kelly and Jamie hug. Everyone applauds.

OLD AUNT (to Rancette): I don't recognize you! Are you one of those crazy fanatics Janet had? HELP! HELP!

Christopher Guest runs up, trying to hold the Old Aunt back from striking Rancette.

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: Now Aunt Lulu, this is Rancette. She's a close friend to Jamie and me.

OLD AUNT: Well, if you say so. See you later, Chrissy-boy.

RANCETTE: Wow, thank you for saving me like that. Did Rance tell you I was coming?

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: I am Rance!

RANCETTE: No way! I would have never guessed. I thought you were much older.

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: Well, I'm no spring-chicken.

RANCETTE: You did say Janet was "family". You should have specified that she was your mother-in-law.

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: Well, I didn't want to give it away. Weren't you surprised? Wasn't this what you were least expecting?

RANCETTE: Are there any other stars here?

CHRISTOPHER GUEST: What!? You're not satisfied? You want to see other stars? Get out of here you ungrateful fool! Security!

Security throws Rancette outside the gates.

THE END