Rance & Rancette part IV
Mood:  suave
Topic: Rance & Rancette
This post is dedicated to Lora.

The rest of this post is fiction.

				RANCE
		Like I said before, I'm not Ben Affleck.

Rancette takes another look at the JPEG.

				RANCETTE
		I can see that!

				RANCE
		Wait, a member of my administrative staff just told
		me that's not your pic that you sent me.  It's Karen 
		O.  Who's she?

				RANCETTE
		Ha, do you think I'd actually show you a real pic
		of me?  I figured you would know nothing about 
		punk rock music and would never figure out that 
		it wasn't me in the picture. But I don't think that 
		you're Marlon Brando either.

				RANCE
		I didn't think that you'd believe me.  But it's true...

				RANCETTE
		No!

				RANCE
		That's right sweetheart, I am Marlon Brando!

				RANCETTE
		There's so many questions I'd like to ask you Mr. 
		Brando, but I'm actually more interested in
		your rance character.  I'd like to ask him questions
		first.

				RANCE
		It's not like I have different personalities.
		Ask any questions you want sweetheart. 

				RANCETTE
		Well, it would make sense that you were Marlon 
		Brando.  We haven't seen hide nor hair from you in 
		awhile.  About two weeks after Marlon Brando 
		died in fact. That would give the administrative 
		staff enough time to filter through your draft 
		entries and figure out what the heck they were going 
		to do.  One brilliant intern from USC figured out 
		that they should hold a "who wants to be the next 
		Rance" contest.

				RANCE
		You're catching on sweetheart.  Only the intern was 
		from UCLA.  Meanwhile, Jack Nicholson fore-
		closed on my house (I never wanted that bastard to 
		buy my house. I should have written that in my will).
		They had to find out where to set up the new HQ, so 
		it took a few days/weeks before the administrative 
		staff could post again.

				RANCETTE
		Wow, Marlon.  It's not you who's infatuated with
		Rubber Duckie, it's the Admin! 

				RANCE
		Quite right, Rancette.  They're turning my blog
		into a desecration.  I'm the only one who had any-
		thing interesting to say.  And they spelled Rubber
		"Ducky" wrong. I'm no idiot!  I know how to spell 
		*$#@ing "Duckie".

				RANCETTE
		I noticed that, too.

				RANCE
		You have a sharp eye.  I tried to email them from
		you know where, Rancette, but they haven't responded
		to any of my frantic emails.  If it were a movie, I'd
		call it "The Captain Hoof Mutiny."

				RANCETTE
		Well, I have an open mind.  I believe in 
		communicating beyond the grave.

TO BE CONTINUED...